K&the3ds

In the Middle

2011-11-07T22:08:00.000-06:00

My daughter and I were peeling potatoes for dinner the other night when we happened upon This American Life's Middle School podcast. If you, or someone you love, is currently in Middle School, please stop reading this drivel and go listen to Ira Glass instead. It was that brilliant.

I don't admit this much in public, but I am fascinated by this tween, middle-school, awkward stage we are finding ourselves in right now. I know I'm supposed to hate it and complain about middle-school. I suppose that when you start your parenting journey with 6 months of constant screaming, it takes a lot to rattle you. (Yes, we still compare every single developmental stage to colic. "Terrible Twos? nah, not as bad as the colic.")

I'm actually enjoying this stage. (I truly hesitate to write that - does this mean my lovely child will now come home with a Mohawk and tattoos and multiple body piercings to prove me wrong?)

For me, the most incredible part is seeing brief glimpses of the adult who is slowly emerging out of all of this childhood stuff. The shocking part is that this amazing person is *nothing* like me.

I always knew, somewhere in my brain, that the critical developmental act of the teenage years would be the whole "independence" thing. But I guess I always thought the kids would rebel against parents and authority, but eventually they'd settle in to be little carbon-copy miniatures of me.

They'd like to shop at Banana Republic. They'd want to be in the school musical. They'd think George Eliot is the greatest author, ever.

So far - no, no and no.

I am quite sure that the slamming doors and the "I hate you's" and the sulking silent treatments are lurking just around the corner. Hopefully I'll be able to step back and say, "Nope, still not as bad as the colic" and soldier on in the process of creating incredible & independent individuals.

(Preferably ones that don't scream incessantly.)

Occupy the Food Pantry

2011-10-23T08:23:00.002-05:00

On Friday, I was helping out at the amazing River Food Pantry. The host a community meal every Friday night and open the food pantry up to anyone who needs extra food.

When I walk into the country club in my neighborhood, I instantly feel uncomfortable and uninvited. When I walked into The River, I feel welcomed, respected and valued. It is a true gem in our community. Just being near passionate, committed, dedicated people like the founders (Andy and Jenny Czerkas) restores my faith in humanity.

It was a busy Friday. I think close to 200 families came through for dinner and groceries.

Off to the side, there was a table with two wonderful volunteers who were there to register people to vote. Wisconsin just recently passed some restrictive voter-ID laws and I suspect many of the population in attendance on Friday probably do not have adequate identification for the new voting process.

But they didn't get a lot of action at their table. They basically sat for most of the night, just talking to each other. I think that maybe two or three people came to take their information. Meanwhile, the rest of us were working our tails off trying to manage the feeding/grocery procuring process.

I respect the message that the political groups forming "Occupy Wall Street" and "Recall Walker" are promoting. I admire their tenacity in gaining signatures and staging protests. I'm glad they were there on Friday and I'm glad that more people are now educated on the voting requirements.

But I think the message of the Occupy Wall Street and Recall Walker groups would be a lot stronger if they combined some action with their rhetoric. What if they came to the food pantry to register voters AND brought 20 volunteers with them to help? What if they collected signatures for recall AND collected canned goods to donate to those in need?

At one point in the night, a lovely woman who could have been me - same age, same height, same race, same jeans - came through the line. She looked at me in confusion and said "I've never been here before, I'm not sure how it all works." I told her "I'm pretty new here too, but everyone is so nice and helpful, we'll figure it out together." We instantly connected and smiled at each other and I'm fairly sure we both had the slight hint of tears welling in our eyes.

It didn't matter who was the volunteer or who needed the food or what anyone's religion or politics were. Andy and Jenny and all the other amazing employees/volunteers at the River have created a community where neighbors help neighbors and everyone wins.

There is no "99%" there. We, all of us, are the 100% and everyone is treated with love and respect. As much as I love reading all the "I am the 99%" signs, I can't help but wonder if maybe we could *all* combine a little more action with our eloquently worded signs.

Except for the hilarious one with the 2% milk. That sign can stay.

Man Up

2011-09-12T21:24:00.002-05:00

This is my little sister. (I think it is the first photo I have published on the blog - but I have determined that it is enough from the back that no one can identify her...)

She is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. She is more generous than anyone I know. She is more polite than either of my own children. She is kind. She is responsible. She is damn smart. (although her WKCE scores may not reflect that....you will have to trust me.)

When I offer to buy her "anything in the world - anything she wants" would you like to know what she asks for? A book. She doesn't want designer jeans. She doesn't want an electronic gadget. She doesn't want the latest Harry Potter lego set. (note - those are all things that MY kids might ask for.) She just wants a book. (Really, she is that incredible.)

And she is incredibly lucky. She's lucky because she's a girl. If she were a boy, she would *still* be on the waiting list at Big Brothers/Big Sisters. The last three years of amazing experiences that we have had would be nothing but dreams.

Did you know that boys in Dane County wait over 2 years for a mentor? TWO YEARS. I think that her little brother has been on the waiting list for 3 years.

I love that the new BB/BS campaign is entitled MAN UP.

I try to explain to people that yes, being a Big takes up a lot of time. And yes, being a Big can sometimes take a little bit of money. (We aren't supposed to buy our "littles" anything, but you show me the person who can let a child live in Wisconsin without a winter coat....) And yes, being a Big can be tough. You will face things you never thought you'd be dealing with.

But it is simply impossible to explain to people how being a Big makes your heart soar. Being a Big changes everything. Being a Big gives you hope, purpose, and faith in humanity.

I've never once in my life wished I were a man. But reading the statistics about the dire lack of Big Brothers, I just wish that I could be a Big Brother.

The difference a Big Brother would make in the world - wow. I can't even come close to that.

Man Up. You could change the world. Or at least one incredible young boy's world.

Summertime and the livin' is conflicted

2011-07-01T09:34:00.002-05:00

Big controversy here in Wisconsin over New Berlin's affordable housing plans. Affordable housing and poverty are two big interests of mine, so I read all the articles carefully. I was fine until I got to the comments on the local paper's story. Now, I realize that people who comment on newpapers on-line are their own special kind of crazy. But blatant mean-spiritedness of the comments shocked me. Who writes that stuff????

I think there is a fundamental disconnect between the reality of poverty and the perception of poverty.

People aren't poor simply because they are lazy or stupid. But it must be awfully convenient to believe that, because then you can probably wash your hands of trying to *do* something to solve the problem.

My "little's" family is going through some unbloggable stuff right now. I can sum it up in two simple words: poverty sucks. Suffice it to say that most of us would have trouble walking a block in the shoes of a family struggling to find a place to live and put food on the table, never mind a mile.

I live in a neighborhood that is statistically both whiter and richer than New Berlin. Affordable housing will come to my neighborhood when pigs fly.

So I struggle internally in the summer, moving frequently between the housing projects and the country club. Note: I am not a member of the country club. I'll join when they offer subsidized memberships for low income families. I refuse to join any organization that won't accept my Little. (See any pigs flying, yet? No, me neither.)

For years, I kept my Little away from neighborhood events. It's just awkward and not that fun for her to be the one and only non-rich-white person in attendance. But maybe that's a mistake. Maybe if people got to know her, they'd learn that she is smart and beautiful and hard-working.

Maybe people are prejudiced against the poor only because they don't have any true friends who are poor?

But how will we ever change that if people (myself included here) segregate ourselves by where we live?

Northside Family Restaurant Values

2011-06-10T19:51:00.005-05:00

To celebrate the last days of elementary school, my mother (visiting from MD) offered to take daughter D to any restaurant in Madison - cost was no object. Anywhere she wanted to go!

I started salivating. We have some pretty awesome restaurants in Madison. L'Etoile! Harvest! Fresco!

But my daughter had something else in mind. She named a strip-mall restaurant, down the street from us.

"Oh sweetie," I said, "We can go there any time. This is a special dinner! You only 'graduate' from elementary school once! Pick somewhere nice!"

But she held to her guns. See, last week her class received a nice surprise from this restaurant. The waitresses at the restaurant, together with the owner, pooled their money together to donate hundreds of dollars to the 4th/5th grade field trip to Green Bay. Then, the owner paid for a school bus to go to the school and bring the kids to his restaurant, where he offered them ANYTHING ON THE MENU. For free. The kids were beyond excited.

He explained to the kids that he came to the U.S. from Armenia and when he arrived, people were kind and helped him out. He wanted to give back to the country that gave him so much, and was reaching out to our school to do that.

In no uncertain terms, my 11-year-old daughter told me that he had something more important than a fancy menu with over-priced wines. He had character and values.

So we went. To the unpretentious strip-mall restaurant. Where we had a lovely dinner. (And bonus: turns out they serve Spotted Cow!)

As we left, my son turned to me and said, "You know, that restaurant doesn't look like much on the outside. But inside, where it counts, it is really nice."

I blinked back a few tears (mothers are allowed to be a bit overly emotional when their eldest is leaving elementary school behind, no?) and told him that was exactly right. And I was so very glad that my daughter didn't listen to my recommendation to go to the fancy restaurant instead.

I'd like to think that I'm the one teaching my kids that what is on the inside matters more than what is on the outside. But I suspect that perhaps, they are the ones teaching me.

Solidarity Forever

2011-06-03T13:40:00.005-05:00

It is rare for me to concur with David Brooks. But in this column, directed at college graduates, I found something we agree on. He says that graduates are being told:

"Follow your passion, chart your own course, march to the beat of your own drummer, follow your dreams and find yourself. This is the litany of expressive individualism, which is still the dominant note in American culture."

He continues:

"The graduates are also told to pursue happiness and joy. But, of course, when you read a biography of someone you admire, it’s rarely the things that made them happy that compel your admiration. It’s the things they did to court unhappiness — the things they did that were arduous and miserable, which sometimes cost them friends and aroused hatred. It’s excellence, not happiness, that we admire most."

We all want the best for our children. But what if it turns out that providing them with the best of everything isn't the answer? What if allowing them to experience some of the struggles that life invariably contains, actually helps them?

Last night, we went to the school picnic of the middle school that daughter D will attend next year. The school has a 71% poverty rate, so most of our neighbors choose to attend a private school, or open-enroll to another public middle school.

But while we were there, we met a group of 7th graders who went down to New Orleans to do an incredible service learning project. We also met a really neat young man who demonstrated his complicated science fair project in both English and Spanish. (Something I certainly could not do....either the science or the Spanish!)

Finally, we headed downtown to the interfaith coalition solidarity singalong.

I know there will be enormous obstacles in the upcoming year. There will continue to be unique challenges at a high-poverty school.

But standing with my fellow Madisonians at the Capitol last night, singing "We shall not be moved" and "Solidarity Forever," it felt, for a few minutes, like we were part of a community that valued the rights of all citizens over the individual happiness of a select few. I felt hope.

David Brooks should come a sing a few verses with us.

Best School Board Meeting. Ever.

2011-05-23T21:44:00.005-05:00

I go to a lot of school board meetings. That either makes me certifiably insane, or a concerned citizen who is very interested in education policy. (please let it be the later. please.)

There are only a handful of us average-joe-citizen-parents who are regulars at the local BOE meetings. Sometimes I get really annoyed that no one else seems to care about this critical business of educating our children.

But then, there is a meeting like tonight's - and I am so very grateful that I have whatever recessive mutant gene I possess that attracts me to attend local education meetings.

Tonight, the teachers were out in full force. There was standing-room-only at the meeting. I saw almost every teacher from our elementary school. The teachers spoke so eloquently that I was moved to tears. More than once.

You would think, perhaps, that they were complaining about the millions of dollars of lost benefits and salaries they will not get in the next budget cycle. No, you'd be wrong. Perhaps they were complaining about the $900 million decrease in WI education funding. No, not that either. Or maybe they were upset about the people who continue to write to the local paper decrying the "union thugs" and the "fat-cat overpaid teachers" No, that wasn't it.

They came out because the district is contemplating a change in their planning time. The district wants to provide more time for professional development. They thought they could take a few hours away from teacher planning time to make way for classes/workshops/seminars. When I first read this, it sounded like a pretty good plan, to me. Really, who doesn't like learning new skills?

But then I spoke with some teachers. And I learned about the incredibly important work that they do in their planning time. I learned about the field trips they planned. And the science experiments. And the art projects. And the reports they write. And the amazingly creative work they do to keep students engaged. (I could go on and on...)

I am hoping that our board heard what I heard. We have amazing kick-ass teachers in Madison who care more for the students they serve than just about anything else. The passion for the kids came through loud and clear.

And reason #101 why I could never be an actual Board Member and why I respect them more than they will ever know: After listening patiently for over 2 hours of teacher testimony, they began their very-full regularly scheduled meeting. At 9 pm. When normal people should be headed to bed. That is when they *started.*

TJ Mertz, of AMPS, outlined the agenda items here. I went home and watched on TV and have two comments:

1) TAG ("talented and gifted") - I may be the only parent in the entire district who thinks TAG is doing a great job. We've had no problems at all getting our kids identified and getting amazing services from our classroom teachers and our instructional resource teachers. But I'm a parent who is in the school every week....and goes to board meetings....and is on district committees.

So, that makes me think that one of the big problems is perhaps *communication* to parents on the services available and how to make use of them. That is why I really like the new plan. I think it goes a long way to improve services and communication.

I was on the TAG parent committee, until I got kicked off. (Long story - but I don't recommend ever asking a group of TAG parents the following question: "Don't you think that the kids who are learning all of this stuff in their second language are just as smart, if not smarter, than our kids? What about kids who grow up in poverty and overcome obstacles our kids can't even imagine, but still perform well? Don't you think we should should have special TAG services for them?" If you do ask that question, you will quite coincidentally get a phone call the next day telling you that there is no longer room for you on the committee because they have too many parents interested in being on it. Total coincidence, I'm sure.)

2) 4K - I am so glad to see 4K in Madison that I am able to overlook some of the not-quite-perfect aspects of its roll-out. But TJ spoke so eloquently tonight about the lack of a 4K site at Allied Drive- one of Madison's poorest south-side neighborhoods. That is so very sad. I'm glad to see it offered at Northport and Packers on the north side of town. So, I'll take that, for now. But we can do better.

It's the poverty, stupid.

2011-05-09T21:42:00.003-05:00

Oh, the intentions I had to keep this blog regularly updated again....sadly, life gets in the way.

But I have finally carved out some time to pen my thoughts on next year's MMSD Budget. You know, the one in which we ask the Madison teachers to collectively take a $15 million dollar pay cut.

Last year, the Board did not have the flexibility to ask the teachers to make such a sacrifice. Instead, they were forced to propose budget cuts that directly affected student programming. You name it, it was on the chopping block: sports programs, English-Language-Learner services, school closings. After months of difficult negotiations and community-listening sessions, they came up with a budget that worked for most people (within the realm of our very screwed-up school funding formula.) The community came out in droves to state their objection to the cuts. Most of the listening-sessions were standing-room-only. In the end, I felt like we avoided the most damaging cuts. Barely.

But in comes Governor Walker and his budget repair bill, and the tables are turned. Wave the magic wand and we can balance the budget on the backs of our teachers! You know - those overpaid fat-cat teachers.

John Matthews (Teachers Union leader) is calling "uncle" and Ed Hughes (school board member) responds.

I have much more to write on the interplay between management and the union in our school district. Surprisingly, I agree with the school board more often than with Mr. Matthews.

But, I think we are losing sight of the true key issue: childhood poverty. We live in a country in which nearly 20% of our children live in poverty (or "near-poverty.") In our district, 50% of the children qualify for free/reduced lunch. At our school, it is close to 70%.

Who do you think is the one key person who can actually help a kid escape poverty? In my experience, that person is their teacher. The teachers at our school do more than teach - they provide food, clothing, love, guidance, and support.

Every year, I put together a book through iPhoto for our teacher. I ask the kids to tell me their favorite thing about the teacher and we throw together some photos and their quotes. It's really nothing fancy, but it looks nice after Apple gets done with it.

The kids like my son, the ones who grow up with 2 parents and a bed to sleep in and enough food to eat, - they give boring answers: "I have a nice teacher. We do fun things." You know, generic, stock 8-year-old answers.

But the other 2/3rds of the class....they make me cry. They could fill the entire book with the incredibly meaningful things they say about the teacher. It is immediately apparent that for many of the Hmong kids in the class, their beloved teacher is the only person who is able to regularly read to them aloud. They remember every.single.book she has read all year long. They describe her voice when she reads, the plot of the story, the twist at the end.

Teachers matter.

I am not willing to accept a society in which 1 in 5 children doesn't get enough to eat. And the people I see leading the charge to eliminate childhood poverty are the teachers.

So I'm just not sure how drastically cutting their pay helps anyone.

Complexity

2011-03-28T21:36:00.006-05:00

Why does everything have to be so complex? Why couldn't we have some more black vs. white or right vs. wrong?

I just returned from testifying at the school board meeting. I'm not known for my estimating abilities, but I'd say there were over 110 people there who spoke. At least 100 people spoke in favor of a particular charter school. I think there were only 5 or 6 of us who spoke against it.

That was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Don't get me wrong, I speak at school board meetings regularly. I think the school board members see me and think "oh no, not her again." But tonight was different. I was shaking in my shoes.

The charter school in question was a charter school for disadvantaged African American boys. Anyone who knows me well knows that this is a cause near and dear to my heart. I've been a "Big Sister" to some amazing African American young ladies for over 20 years. I've lobbied the board over and over and over again to provide MORE resources to our minority and low-income students. I enthusiastically send my kids to an amazing public school in which minorities are the majority and 70% of the kids receive free/reduced lunch.

But - the way they wanted to structure this charter school was troublesome. In Madison we have "instrumentality" and "non-instrumentality" charter schools. "Instrumentality" means that the Board of Education has some jurisdiction over the school. They get some authority over the administration of the school. "Non-instrumentality" is essentially a private school. (But one that gets public money.)

So, I had a decision to make. Here is a charter school that serves a population that I have devoted a great portion of my time/energy to help. Every single speaker tonight struck a chord within my core. They spoke the truth. There *is* a huge achievement gap within our school district. I know, I see it on a daily basis.

But....this particular school is a procedural example of everything I feel is wrong in the education reform movement. I firmly believe that the proposals in front of Wisconsin for expanded vouchers and charters (SB22 and the other bills) will completely destroy our public education system.

So, I stood up.

I asked them to keep their ideas and innovation and enthusiasm and to channel it into an "instrumentality" charter school. Yes, that would require more bureaucracy and it will certainly take longer. But it would be available to every single student - not just the ones who won the charter-school-lottery. You see, the kids I have fallen madly in love with don't even have the resources to apply to the charter school. Some of their parents don't speak English. Others don't have parents who are involved. Still others are homeless. A charter school lottery will certainly help a small population. But it won't help everyone.

The board voted 6-1 in favor of the charter school. Marj Passman was the one board member who seemed to share my concerns.

I spent most of yesterday at a marathon school budget meeting. I can honestly say this was the first budget meeting in which I witnessed grown men cry. Yes, the budget situation in WI under Walker is that dire. The superintendent at one of the districts was describing some of the budget cuts his staff would be taking (20% pay cuts, layoff, etc.) and he started to cry.

So, of course, I started to cry too. I'm still crying tonight. But tomorrow morning, I will get up again, and start the fight again. Our country NEEDS public education and I refuse to give up.

Unbelievable

2011-03-25T09:26:00.005-05:00

I am generally an optimistic, glass-half-full kind of person. It takes me a long time to distrust or dislike someone or something, in general. I don't subscribe to conspiracy theories. I am often mocked for being gullible or naive. (And I am. Both gullible and naive. I admit it.)

So, I'm having a really hard time with this one:

On Monday, Bill Cronon published an amazing Op-Ed in the New York Times. My favorite part is this paragraph:

"Scott Walker is not Joe McCarthy. Their political convictions and the two moments in history are quite different. But there is something about the style of the two men — their aggressiveness, their self-certainty, their seeming indifference to contrary views — that may help explain the extreme partisan reactions they triggered. McCarthy helped create the modern Democratic Party in Wisconsin by infuriating progressive Republicans, imagining that he could build a national platform by cultivating an image as a sternly uncompromising leader willing to attack anyone who stood in his way. Mr. Walker appears to be provoking some of the same ire from adversaries and from advocates of good government by acting with a similar contempt for those who disagree with him."

Note that he says that Walker is NOT McCarthy.

So what does Walker do? He files an open records request to get access to Cronon's emails.

What???? Here we have a very intelligent UW professor who disagrees with our current government in a well-written Op-Ed but has done NOTHING WRONG. Our state is now allowed to read our emails for the simple reason that we disagree with the Gov.? Really? Can they do that?

Cronon's blog is worth a read for the full story.
Jay Bullock has more on his blog, Folkbum.

Scott Walker may be the one who succeeds in turning me into a cynical pessimist. Please tell me that this stuff isn't happening all over the country. Please tell me that Walker is an anomaly.

Charters and Vouchers and Testing, oh my.

2011-03-16T07:35:00.002-05:00

With all the events going on around the world this month, my dad has been calling and singing Kingston Trio lyrics to me:

They're rioting in Africa, there's strife in Iran.
What nature doesn't do to us, will be done by our fellow man.

If anyone knows the extent of what nature can do to us, it is my master-of-disaster father. (He also knows more obscure song-lyrics from the 1950s than anyone else I know...)

The news about what nature can do has been absolutely horrifying this week.

I didn't think the "fellow-man" news could get worse for education in Wisconsin after seeing the nearly $900 million cut to K-12 education in Walker's budget. But boy was I wrong. Welcome to SB-22.

SB-22:

Creates a 9-person authorizing board for charter schools: 3 appointed by the governor, 3 by the senate majority leader, and 3 by the speaker of the assembly.
Changes current law that limits organizations to opening only one charter school. SB 22 permits one organization or company to open multiple charter schools which allows non- and for-profit franchised Charter Management Organizations (CMOs) to enter Wisconsin.
Modifies teacher licensure requirements so that teachers in charters do not need certification.
Lifts cap on and promotes virtual (online) charter schools

Lining up right behind SB-22 is an upcoming bill on vouchers, to divert education money from public schools to private schools.

At first glance, this looks great, right? More charter schools! More innovation! What's not to like?

There's a lot not to like:

The charter School authorizing board circumnavigates the local school districts, limits legislative oversight and allows Walker’s cronies, who have no experience in education, to make influential decisions about schools.
There simply isn't data to support that charter schools, in and of themselves, are better than public schools. There are good charter schools. And bad charter schools. Stanford has lots of research worth reading here.
I'm still reading all the info, but I have yet to find any good information on how the charter school/voucher plan will serve special education or English language learners. It is really expensive to serve these populations and they don't always have high scores on standardized tests. If we move to a system that is run solely by efficiency and measurable results, it could have devastating consequences for many of our students.

The one up-side to all of this horrid budget news is that I have met some of the most incredible people as we organize to oppose the destruction of public education in Wisconsin. Last night, I met an amazing group of young women who started Public Schools for the Public Good - a great website for the latest news on education, both locally and nationally.

Stay tuned. This isn't over. Across the political spectrum, the citizens of Wisconsin value public education and we will not let Scott Walker destroy it.

On Wisconsin

2011-03-12T17:36:00.007-06:00

It is really hard to find the right words to describe today. Lots and lots of people came together to stand up for the rights of Wisconsin's working people. It was the largest rally yet. The day started with a tractor parade around the Capitol. Farm families came from all over the state and brought their tractors with them.

I have had the pleasure of working with many members of the Wisconsin Farmers Union. They are good, good people. Many (most?) are conservative. But they will be badly hurt by the proposed budget. Under the proposed budget, rural Wisconsin communities will see their school districts destroyed, as the cuts to Badgercare and the earned income credit further decimate their standard of living.

This afternoon, there was another huge rally as the 14 Democratic Senators returned to Madison. I understand there were some celebrities around, as well, but the people of Wisconsin only wanted to hear from the Fab 14. My kids were spellbound as they spoke. (well, until we got cold and ducked into Capitol Kids for a warm-up break. It is still very much winter here in WI!)

It's also hard to describe the absolute diversity of the people out today. People in wheelchairs. The elderly. Small babies. Students. Trash collectors. Teachers. Firefighters. People with signs in Spanish. Union members. Private sector. People with dreadlocks. A woman in a fur coat and high heels. Teenagers on stilts. Truck drivers in leather. All races, all ages, both genders.

We've been here for 15 years now and up until today, I have continued to refer to DC as "home." Just yesterday I said, "Oh, at home, we start to get nice weather in March."

But I think it is safe to say that from this moment on, the only place that will ever be home for me again is Madison, Wisconsin. I have never been more proud to consider myself a Wisconsinite. I even bought Davis a cheesehead hat today. Thank you Wisconsin.

We're not crazy left-wing liberals, really, we're not.

2011-03-10T21:14:00.003-06:00

Now that we've made national news (I think we were above the Charlie Sheen stories this morning!) - I've seen a few news stories categorizing the protesters in Madison as being extreme liberals.

I'm the first to admit that we've got plenty of lefties here in Madison. Many of them are my best friends. But there are a bunch of us who are just left-of-center out there protesting too. I can hardly be described as fringe - we live around the corner from the Governor's mansion. (My daughter worried what we would do if his sons joined the neighborhood swim team this summer and I assured her we would be polite and civil.)

I'm more upset about the process and political tactics than I am about some parts of the bill. I expected Walker would try to cut both taxes and spending - he gets to do that. We did elect him. (I even agree with some of the provisions of his bill.)

You have to understand that the Governor in Wisconsin is a very powerful man. We have the "Vanna White" veto - otherwise know as the partial-item veto. Both Thompson and Doyle were notorious for their use of this power. With it, they can take out individual words or letters to change any sentence to their liking. They can pretty much do whatever the hell they want.

So, Walker simply did not have to act in the power-grabbing way he did. He did not have to attempt to ram this through the legislature in 5 days. He did not have to have the Fitzgerald brothers hold middle-of-the night votes in the Assembly or 2-hour-notice votes with the Senators.

Our next biennial budget doesn't start until July. He had plenty of time to let the Assembly and the Senate debate this bill. He had plenty of time to allow journalists to write about it and citizens to protest. (or not.)

The thing is - here in Wisconsin, government works pretty well. Not perfect, but well.

Our schools are good. Our roads are plowed to a standard unlike anything I saw on the east coast. Our buses are on time. Our DMV is actually run by competent, friendly people. Our University system is excellent. Our parks are numerous and well kept. Our police and firefighters are respected. Our children all have healthcare, regardless of income. We even plow our ice-skating rinks on a daily basis during the month of January. There is a lot right with the public sector in Wisconsin. (Again, not perfect...but good enough.)

That is why I think he rushed this through with the political tricks. I think he realized that if he gave people enough time to think, they'd say, "It may not be perfect - but I like our highly functioning public sector here in Wisconsin."

Things got interesting in Madison tonight

2011-03-09T21:36:00.004-06:00

For the last few weeks, my son and I have spent Wednesday nights up at the Capitol. My daughter has tap class, so we drop her off and head down to join the protesters for a bit.

Tonight, we decided not to go. Tap class was canceled due to a scheduling conflict, so we all changed into our PJs early, and curled up with our books in front of the fire for a relaxing night.

As I was making dinner, my Twitter account was going nuts. "Come to the Capitol IMMEDIATELY" messages at every turn. I ignored them - how urgent could it be? The news yesterday led me to believe that a compromise was coming. The Fab 14 had been communicating with the Governor's office. Although the media made it sound divisive - certainly that means that some progress was being made. Right?

But then Facebook started taking off, so I turned on the WisconsinEye cable channel to watch the Senate proceedings. It wasn't like anything interesting could possibly happen, but I figured I should have it on while I made dinner.

All of a sudden - holy shit - I was brought back to the evening of the Assembly Vote, when I watched the Assembly Republicans railroad the budget repair bill through at 1:30 a.m. on a ambush vote. (Yes, I stayed up to watch it.) The Republican Senators did the same thing tonight - they separated the Collective Bargaining provisions from the financial part of the bill and rammed it through.

Basically, they took the part that NO ONE likes (union busting) and approved it. The part that most people will accept (financial concessions from public sector workers) is still out there. It really makes no sense.

By now, dinner was burnt to a crisp, but I managed to scoop it out and tell my children that "this is what democracy tastes like" and we wolfed down the food and piled in the car to head downtown.

It was really amazing down there. The inner ring of the Capitol was full of a slow parade of cars, honking their horns in a chanting rhythm. People were in the building and circling around the outside.

We know that the atmosphere was a bit more angry tonight than in days past when we saw a few people walking clockwise. Anyone who has spent any time in Madison knows the drill: whether it is the farmer's market or an art fair or a 100K person protest: We walk counter-clockwise around the Capitol. We just do.

Things could start to get very interesting...

Bad, bad teacher

2011-03-08T20:48:00.004-06:00

The problem with education, according to most of the education-reform articles I'm reading, is the following:

1) bad teachers
2) strong unions who protect those bad teachers

The solution most often proposed seems to be charter schools that don't need to answer to the teachers union. Megan McArdle (via 11d) wants to be able to fire all the teachers. (Rhode Island, evidently, is a big fan of hers.)

Am I missing something? In my entire experience in the Madison public school system, we have yet to run into a bad teacher. Most of the time, we have amazing rock-star teachers. The kind of teachers who change your life. Is Madison an anomaly? Is the rest of the country dealing with bad teachers?

Seriously, I can't talk about our teachers without getting rather emotional. They go above-and-beyond their job description on a daily basis. Last weekend, one of our amazing teachers spent her entire Saturday taking our school's spelling bee champion to the district competition because our school winner couldn't get there on her own. Almost all of our teachers do this stuff ALL THE TIME.

Our school serves a low income population, (67% of students qualify for free/reduced lunch) so perhaps we attract a more dedicated professional. (Although conventional wisdom in the media often spouts that poor schools like ours get dumped with the so-called bad-teachers.)

I don't see the bad-teacher problem. Am I missing something?

My favorite school-board blogger, Ed Hughes had a great post about teachers today. And the NYTimes had a scary article about how we measure a good teacher.

I'm worried that the conservative education "reform" movement (and I include our President in that group) is creating a problem that doesn't exist in order to promote the solution they'd like to see: the privatization of education.

Am I living in a bubble? Is Madison that far from the norm? Do you all really have bad teachers? (And if you do, may I recommend that you move to Madison - our teachers are pretty damn amazing.)

Anyone still out there?

2011-03-06T21:43:00.003-06:00

Wow, haven't posted anything for two years. I blame Facebook and Twitter and an increased desire to keep my kids' lives more private.

Recent events in my hometown of Madison have prompted me to start up again, at least for the short term. I think my Facebook friends are probably getting a bit annoyed by all my political posts. And there is truly only so much one can put in 140 characters on Twitter.

But I honestly probably would have kept my thoughts to Twitter if it weren't for the dinner conversation tonight. We took our "little" out to dinner. I missed the last two weeks with her due to my knee surgery, so it was our first time to catch-up on recent events.

She didn't know.

She didn't know that the Governor and the President both have bills on their desks that will take away:
1) her health insurance
2) her housing
3) her chance at a scholarship to a local university

My friends and I have been out protesting on a daily basis. We don't like this bill. But to tell the truth - we don't personally lose out on all that much if it is passed. Yes, I have many public sector friends who will take a 10% pay cut and yes, that is very hard. But most won't lose their house. They will still have health care and enough to eat.

She won't.

I did my best at explaining the various provisions of the bill and telling her about the 14 Wisconsin Senators who fled town to make sure that it didn't get passed until we could all learn everything we could about the bill. I told her that I didn't like the bill and that I'd been spending a lot of time up at the Capitol to protest the bill.

As I walked her up to her door to drop her off after dinner, she turned to me and said in a very quiet voice, "Kristen, do you think you could take me with you the next time you go protest? I'd like to do that too."

So on Saturday, I will proudly march in Madison again. This time, with the reason I'm marching right beside me.

I feel like Walker and his colleagues think that poverty is something that only happens to lazy, stupid, inept people. It is probably very easy to cut programs when you think they are going to support slackers and deadbeats. But I'm here to tell him that some of the most intelligent, kind, amazing people I know live below the poverty level. And we aren't going to stop marching!

Presidential visit!

2009-11-02T21:21:00.002-06:00

Obama is coming to Madison! As much as I wanted him to visit our school, I couldn't be happier with his choice of schools at which to speak. My previous "little sister" went to Wright, and I'm so glad he chose to go there.

I'm interested in what he has to say. I haven't decided yet what I think of Arne Duncan and the Obama approach to education. My first impression is that their policies will work great in a vacuum (charter schools, "race to the top" funding criteria, national standards etc.) but I'd like to hear how such things will work in a school like Wright, with its 86% poverty level. (or my school, with its 66% level.)

Mostly, I want to hear the President not only *say* that education is important, but put some federal dollars behind his words. States and counties are struggling to get tax dollars to support education. There has got to be a better way.

Books and more books

2009-10-09T08:49:00.004-05:00

I made it out to the Wisconsin Book Festival last night.

I went to hear Lorrie Moore speak. I just finished "Gate at the Stairs" and really liked it. We timed it so that we would arrive just as she came on stage, and not have to listen to some guy I'd never heard of before who was speaking before her on some strange book that he'd written about chickens.

I was underwhelmed by Ms. Moore. She wasn't feeling well, and she spent most of her time making sure that we understood that she wrote FICTION, dammit. If we were not sophisticated enough to realize that a novel was an art and it WASN'T TRUE than we just didn't deserve to read her books.

She is adored by the NYTimes. They gush:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/28/books/28book.html

She is not so much adored in Madison. Not much gushing:
http://www.thedailypage.com/isthmus/article.php?article=26812

Perhaps it is because despite all of her protests otherwise, people think she writes about Madison. (And really, anyone who has lived here for even a month knows that 'Troy' is no fictional city. It's Madison!) And she writes with a bit of disdain. Or truth. Depending on how you see it.

I think she is a brilliant writer and I don't care what she writes about - I'll read it.

But of course, the highlight of the evening turned out to be Michael Perry - the guy I'd never heard of before who wrote a book about chickens. The one I was trying to avoid. He was an amazing speaker. I laughed. I cried. And I can't wait to read his book, Coop, which I now know is about way more than chickens.

Any other book recommendations out there?

Realization

2009-09-30T18:22:00.003-05:00

I write a lot about how my kids go to a low-income, diverse school. And I'd be lying if I didn't admit that once in a while, a scary thought sneaks into my head, a "Could they be getting a better education at (insert private school here) or (insert white suburban school here)?" thought.

This year, I am no longer PTA President, which is a very good thing. I love, love, love the school, but one can only run things for so long. And the two men (yes, men) who have replaced me are a thousand times more qualified and competent than I ever was.

They are brilliant and caring and have started doing "listening sessions" in the different neighborhoods of our school. Last night was the one for Spanish-speakers. Tomorrow night is the one for Hmong speakers. Those of us who sadly only speak English, can listen through the translators.

I was holding back tears last night when I heard, for the first time, the thoughts and dreams of our Spanish-speaking parent population. Guess what? Same as mine. We all want to have kids who enjoy school, behave for their teachers and learn to love learning.

The tears almost came when one of the fathers apologized to us through the translator. He wanted to make sure that we understood that if he didn't engage us (the native English speakers) in conversation at school, that it was only because English wasn't his first language and he wasn't always comfortable initiating conversations. He said this after delivering one of the most moving monologues about our school (again, through the translator) that I have ever heard. I really wish I could speak Spanish, because I'm sure something was probably lost in translation.

I was struck with an overwhelming feeling of how absolutely lucky my kids are - and how lucky I am - to be able to interact with families like his. And to go to a school like ours, that has this amazing community of committed teachers and families.

We lost 3-4 more families this year, they all transferred to the higher-income, whiter schools, so I've been feeling a bit blue. It's hard not to take it personally when we lose families. The schools we lose families to don't have any non-English speakers. (Hence, the test scores are higher.)

But I realized last night that wisdom can be found in unexpected places. And I think my kids are the luckiest kids in the world to go to a school with classmates who have origins from all over the world.

And I also realized that I really want to learn Spanish again. I want to be able to speak to the parents without a translator. My four years of high school Spanish aren't cutting it.

I've spent most of the the last few months feeling stressed about losing the families we have lost. But tonight, for one brief moment, I'm feeling sorry for them. They may be surrounded with higher test scores, but I suspect we might have something that matters more than test scores: community. Granted, we are a community of various skin colors, income levels, and languages...but I suspect that people aren't holding back tears at the private school PTA meeting.

Alaska

2009-08-14T08:00:00.009-05:00

OK, now I get it: The incredulous looks on knowledgeable faces when I admitted I had never been to Alaska, despite the fact my sister had lived there for over a decade. I get it now. All of you - you were right, I was missing out.

It is perhaps the most beautiful place I've ever been.

The kids were in heaven. It is perhaps a kid-vacation paradise. Tide pools, hiking, fishing, kayaking, mud, mud and more mud.

It made me realize just how sterilized our Lower-48 outdoor play space has become. We are a family who spends a lot of time outdoors - we bike, walk, run, swim, you name it. But much of our outdoor time is spent in a yard or at a park or a beach or on a well-traveled trail. Even canoeing on the lake involves maneuvering around motorboats.

In Alaska, there are vast expanses of wilderness. Here in Wisconsin, I've noticed that kids create their own wild spaces. They all congregate around the largest, farthest, most hidden tree at the park, and build forts and find sticks and rocks and cool leaves. Kids need wilderness. (exhibit A: Michael Chabon's article)

How does one bring more wilderness into an urban/suburban life?

As for us, we are already planning our next trip to Alaska.

Headed to Alaska

2009-08-01T21:12:00.004-05:00

On Monday, we head out to Homer, Alaska to visit my favorite sister. She's been out there for over 10 years, but we have never visited. ( I know, I know, I'm the worst sister in the universe.)

In my defense, I've been busy popping out (and raising) these:

Two of them in fact - one XX and one XY.

Taking babies/toddlers/preschoolers to Alaska was just not my idea of fun. Frankly, getting to the grocery store in one piece during the baby/toddler stage was some days more than I could handle.

But now, they look like this:

And we've decided they can probably handle the 12+ hours of travel without kicking the seat in front of them or spitting up all over the person next to them. And so we are off for a big family adventure to lands far away.

Now if I could get the boy to stop repeating "I can see Russia from my house," we should be all set.

If I were in charge of Education

2009-05-17T21:28:00.004-05:00

Lots of commentary in the last weeks about how to improve education for poor kids. See: 11D, and David Brooks, and Half Changed World.

I've got a simple, sure-fire solution to raising the test scores of poor children.

Here's my plan:

Everyone who has more than they need can join a mentoring program, get matched to a child who doesn't have enough. You simply promise that child that you will do everything in your power to make sure he or she has clothing and food.

That's it, really. clothing and food.

You see, once the shelter, clothing and food needs are met - amazing things can happen. (Ideally, you'd be able to promise the shelter too, but let's not bite off more than we can chew right away. clothing and food, and books, maybe. I should add books.)

OK, so maybe it is more than that. You see, once you experience the sheer magic of helping a child succeed when they face every single conceivable obstacle in life....something happens to you. You start to care.

So, now a child has food, clothing, books (possibly shelter) AND an adult who cares. Voila - higher test scores.

I've had a rough couple of weeks with my current match situation. Unbloggable stuff. Stuff that has me reaching out to social workers and other professionals. Stuff that has me curl up in the fetal position on my living room rug when I'm all alone and no one can see me crying.

One possible solution for the current "stuff" is to find other matches for some of the other younger kids in the family. Right now, I'm the only match and there are 5 kids. The 8-year-old boy has been on the waiting list for two years. TWO YEARS. TWO YEARS.

It kinda breaks my heart. Turns out there are almost 300 kids on that waiting list. Mostly boys. Most have been on for years. This mentoring stuff works, (really, it works.)

But no one wants to do it.

The one silver lining: I was on the phone with a local respite center talking about (unbloggable stuff) and reading about all the things they need on their website. My daughter, who absorbs way more than I think she does, gathered up every penny she has ever saved, and carried it out to me. She wanted me to give it to the respite center. We are headed over there this week. Just when I think I am doing just about everything possibly wrong that I can as a mother, she goes and does something like that to prove me wrong.

I guess.

Part of me wants to shield my own 9 year old from the ugly parts of the life of my 10 year old match. I try the best I can. But let's be honest: I can't. We've opened our home and our life to this other child and I can't pretend that her life is just like ours. It isn't.

But her test scores? Up. Way up. So we plug on...two steps forward, one step back.

No longer the target demographic

2009-05-07T08:06:00.004-05:00

There is a super cool start-up company, Alice.com, that is in my building, on my floor even. They are selling household products over the internet, with a social media twist. They have an extremely well written blog with gorgeous photos and a lovely design. I wish them great success. You should go there now, and subscribe to the blog. You won't regret it.

I was so excited when I learned they were moving into our building. I figured I'd be their perfect target demographic. After all, I have a blog. I'm on Facebook. I'm on Twitter. And I already buy almost everything over the internet. I have an Amazon Prime account. I order my milk/dairy products directly from the local farm over the internet. I often get my groceries delivered through the local coop over the internet. Prescriptions too, over the internet.

I'm one of the few people in my neighborhood who clean my own house, and given enough time and energy - I actually enjoy cleaning. So a new site with household and cleaning products over the internet - how perfect is that? (you know, now that I think about it, I might be the only person in my neighborhood who cleans her own house...sigh.)

But I have been dismayed to realize that I am so obviously not their target demographic.

Their message is not in any way directed at an over-committed busy 40-year-old working, PTA President, mother-of-two. They offer advice like "don't hit your snooze button" in the morning. Snooze Button? What is that? I haven't had to set an alarm for 10 years! Those children....they wake me up every single morning and last time I checked, they don't have a snooze button.

And we've been working very hard to get son D to stop saying "Yo!" Evidently, 6 year old boys enjoy preceding every sentence with the word "Yo." (So far, I haven't had to answer to "Yo Mama" but I tell you, it is coming any day now.) So, I'll have a hard time dialing a phone number that begins with "Yo" as theirs does.

I could go on and on. It turns out that I am no longer in the coveted "18-35" demographic and it's a weird, weird feeling. When did that happen? What's next? Will I start sitting on my front porch yelling "Kids! Get off the lawn!"

Thank God for Mir over at Want Not. She may not have a cool internet start-up. But she gets what it is like to be a crazy-busy mother with a crazy-busy life and still have to get the damn shopping done.

(And she has great coupons....)

Kids just want to have fun.

2009-04-23T21:21:00.004-05:00

So far, we have limited our kids to 1 -2 extra-curricular activities at a time during the school year. For the girl, this means piano lessons and soccer. The boy has chosen baseball and soccer. (And they can walk to almost all of them - very little car transport necessary)

When they only have 1 -2 activities, we can still manage to eat dinner as a family 5 nights/week. I don't go too crazy from carting kids from activity to activity. They look forward to their activities and don't get too overtired or over scheduled. It works for us.

But.

But...we are seemingly alone in this philosophy. All their friends are in 3, 4, or even 5 different activities. Daughter D. didn't do Girl Scouts, because of the 2-activity limit. Son D didn't play on a basketball team. And so on...you name it, they didn't get to do it.

It's uncomfortable to be the only family with a certain rule. And as the kids get older, we are finding ourselves in that position more and more. We have stricter rules about a lot of things (video games, bedtimes, etc.) and the kids are starting to notice that. (Did you know that my son is the ONLY six year old in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE who has to go to bed at 8 pm and is not allowed to get a Nintendo DS? Really, he is.)

I can totally see them adding activities as they get older. But now - they are 9 and 6. They still like to run over to the park and play a pick-up game of some made-up sport with whichever kids they can collect along the way. I don't want to fill up every afternoon with some scheduled activity. When will they have time for unbridled fun?

For now, I'll take the unstructured play over another activity. Husband D and I are both coaching soccer teams this spring and I can tell you - some of these kids are burned out. They don't want to go to a practice and play an organized game. They want to run around and be silly and have fun with their friends. This makes coaching a tad more challenging!

Of course, in 10 years, when my kids get rejected from their top college because of a lack of extra-curriculars....well, then they can prove me wrong.

Another thing I don't understand

2009-04-21T08:19:00.002-05:00

At least I'm not alone.

Deke and Laura don't get it either.

I watched the Susan Boyle video. I was touched. She has a beautiful voice and it is always heartwarming to see someone achieve one of their personal dreams.

But....international news? Really?

Her voice is lovely.

But every church choir in the country has someone with a voice like that. Every Madrigal group in any high school has someone with a voice like that. (And no, they aren't all beautiful.)

I just can't get over my feeling that Simon Cowell set us up. That he has some secret Facebook-savvy publicist behind the whole thing.

Hmm....maybe that's why the white house hired Kal Penn (actor from House and and Harold/Kumar fame) to help with communications. Perhaps he is working, at this very moment, on a Tweet to get us all sending Facebook gifts to each other shaped like the Bybee Torture Memo.

Skip, skip, skip to my Lou

2009-03-26T21:43:00.002-05:00

I feel that I am very much on top of the education of our eldest child. She's been tested, prodded, and poked and put in every possible applicable enrichment group that exists.

We have clear lines of communication with the teachers and have gotten involved wherever necessary to further her educational experience:

Extra Parent-Teacher conferences. Check.

Meetings with the Principal. Check.

Gift and Talented Coordinator meeting in our home. Check.

But the second kid? Ha. Pretty much dropped him off the first day of school in the hands of his incredibly wonderful and capable Kindergarten teacher and said, "Here he is. Do whatever you think will work with him."

So, it was a bit of a surprise yesterday, when I was having a casual conversation with his teacher and she mentioned, "They asked if you were willing to have him skip a grade next year."

Huh?

We are still working out the details on who exactly "they" are and I had to sign some paperwork to allow all the necessary prodding, poking, and evaluating of him that go into such a decision.

Our first reaction is to only do grade skipping as a last resort. He's the happiest and most easy-going kid in the universe - he loves school, loves his teacher, loves his classmates. Why mess with that?

Anyone else out there skipped a grade? Was it good? bad? I guess if we are going to do it, this is the year to do it (Kindergarten into 2nd grade) But still. It seems a bit extreme.

Besides, won't that make him smaller for football?

(that's a joke - I haven't even watched a complete football game in over 20 years!)

So here's my idea

2009-03-19T21:22:00.002-05:00

What if all the people who received those awful bonuses at AIG meet tomorrow morning and decide to give up most of their bonuses to a single charity.

What if tomorrow, $100 million was donated to a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter or a school....voluntarily by the employees of AIG?

What if Congress didn't have to spend 4 straight days getting all long-winded and pompous about this?

What if the media didn't have to focus on this little bonus thing, because they don't really understand the intricacies of the entire banking system or the real economic problem we are all facing?

What if the employees of AIG, on their own, decide to take this horrid lemon that they created and we've all been dealt....and decide to make a tiny bit of lemonade?

Because, in the grand scheme of things, these bonuses don't really matter. In the big-picture of all the other things that are going on - the bailouts, the stimulus, the near-nationalizations....this is small potatoes.

But what if.....what if they could turn it into something huge? Something that may inspire millions of others around the country to donate what they can? Something that would turn "AIG" from a 4-letter word into something more hopeful and promising.

What if.

School stuff

2009-03-10T21:22:00.003-05:00

Lots of interesting PTA posts here, here and here.

One thing I find interesting is the assumption that a school with lots of poor kids is a bad school - a failing school - a school in which no child would ever achieve.

I disagree with that.

Yes, there are very real problems at a school like ours, in which 70% of the kids are on some kind of public assistance. We have a constant shortage of mittens, glue sticks, and snacks. We have kids who arrive at school hungry and kids for whom spring break simply means a week without regular meals. Childhood poverty is a serious issue, and one that I fear is widely misunderstood. Poor kids are an underrepresented voice in our society.

But, our school? Our school is fantastic. Our Principal? Amazing. Our teachers? Best in the country. (OK, that may be a subjective bit of analysis there....but seriously - they are that good.)

Yes, our test scores are low. (But your test score would be low too if you were taking it in your second or third language.)

Yes, our school population has more melanin than the average school. But that just makes us more interesting to look at.

I would even argue that our school is BETTER than some of the more wealthy schools. Yes, I said better. My third grader has 11 kids in her class. Thank you SAGE program (Wisconsin's answer to Title 1.)

Some of the PTA posts included comments of parents complaining about PTA sponsored things like insufferable talent shows that they are forced to sit through. Our talent show is later this month and it is one of my favorite events of the entire year. I suspect that other (more wealthy) schools have showcases for rich kids showing off their piano or violin lessons. Not our school.

At our school, there is not a dry eye in the house at the end of the talent show. The kids group together to create amazing acts. An African-American 3rd-grade boy raps while a Caucasian 4th-grade girl dances as a 2nd grade Hmong girl jump-ropes and a 5th-grade boy, who happens to be seriously autistic, sings along. It never once occurs to them that kids of lawyers wouldn't hang out with kids whose parents work at McDonalds. Or that the seriously disabled shouldn't be part of the show.

Frankly, there might not be a lot of actual talent at our talent show - but you are fighting so hard to hold back the tears that you don't notice. Right before your very eyes, the promise of what you believe America stands for, at our core, is unfolding. It's pretty powerful.

So, while I am the first person to recognize the very real problems of childhood poverty, I just want to point out that a school full of poor kids can still be a great school. A really great school.

Some lessons in life can't be measured by a test score. Some take a choreographed rap song, accompanied by jump rope.

Dear Diary

2009-02-23T21:15:00.003-06:00

Daughter D has been begging for months to read "Diary of Anne Frank" and I put it off over and over again. Explaining genocide was just not something I was prepared to do. But finally, I caved and we got the book and started it. She regularly reads the world news in the newspaper. I figured if she could handle Rwanda, we could tackle the Holocaust.

I haven't read the book since I was a pre-teen. Like just about everything else I've re-read, it is a completely different book when you read it at the age of 40. It is horrifying. Absolutely and utterly horrifying. Humans did this to other humans.

Daughter D is doing fine with the book. Me, not so much.

As we were reading, I told Daughter D that I used to keep a diary or two and that I thought they were somewhere in the basement somewhere. She immediately wanted to see them, so we went searching and found a huge box, full to the brim of various notebooks/diaries/journals/datebooks.

I couldn't believe it. There were more than 25 of them. I remember keeping diaries and at one point, I must have thrown them all into a box. But I had no idea that there were so many. I started in 5th grade and really didn't ever stop until I had my first child.

I had visions of us reading them together and gleaming great pearls of wisdom from my life experience.

ha. That is NOT going to happen.

It turns out that I went slightly boy-crazy sometime around 6th grade. I think it is safe to say that 60% of my writings were about the boy-du-jour. And about all sorts of other adventures that I seem to have blocked from my memory. My recollection of my childhood was that I was a perfectly behaved slightly nerdy good student. The nerdy/good student part seems to be correct. But evidently, I was not perfectly behaved.

Is this another symptom of parenthood? Do you subconciously block out all the crazy things you've done in life as you try to show your children the straight and narrow path to success? Because seriously, half the stuff I'm reading - I didn't even remotely remember until I read it.

Should I burn these damn diaries? Or save them for my grandchildren? (my children will NOT be reading them!)

Navigating the brave new world of sports

2009-02-07T07:42:00.003-06:00

Sadly, blogging seems to have been displaced by my one-line daily updates on Facebook. (I'm 'Kristen Harrald Nelson' there, if you'd like to read those....and Dad - really, we need to get you on Facebook!)

I'm entering a stage of parenting for which I am ill-prepared. The sports stage.

Growing up, I could do any sport, as long as there wasn't a ball involved. I could swim. I could run. But as soon as any sort of equipment was added, I failed miserably.

My natural reaction is to cover my eyes and duck as soon as a ball comes my way. My volleyball team did not appreciate this. Neither did my tennis partner or the other people covering the outfield with me in softball practice. I quickly learned to stick to sports with no rapidly traveling projectiles. Or better yet, non-sport activities like piano, choir or reading.

But my son - he is all about sports. The more equipment the better. And, he actually seems to be - dare I say - good at them. This is completely new territory for me.

We got a phone call yesterday from a Little League coach. Little League doesn't start for a few more months here in Wisconsin. (The snow on the ground makes it hard to see the ball in February and March.) But this coach wanted to recruit son D for his team. Son D is 6. This team is a group of 7-8 year olds. It's not T-ball - it's real baseball.

I'd planned on putting son D on a basic T-ball team with all his Kindergarten friends. But I talked to the coach for about 20 minutes and I think he convinced me to let D try the real baseball team.

I think.

I don't want to turn into one of those mothers. In my childhood world, they were the "stage mothers" - the ones who pushed, pushed, pushed their kids into getting the best roles or the highest marks in the piano competitions. My parents weren't like that at all - and for that, I am eternally grateful. If we wanted to excel at an activity, great. But they didn't really care if we had a staring role or a winning team.

Son D really wants to be on this team, so we are going to let him join it. I hope that is the right decision. It's a fine line between pushing too hard and letting the kids have an opportunity to shine.

So, if you read a post by me in 6 months complaining about how his team isn't winning because he hasn't been practicing his bunts, please schedule an intervention.

Helmets for sledding?

2009-01-24T08:32:00.002-06:00

I usually think that husband D and I are about as safety-conscious as you can get. Then I read an article like this.

Helmets for sledding? We have mandatory 'wear-them-all-the-time-no-matter-what' helmets for biking. And riding scooters. And ice-skating lessons. And car seats galore.

But sledding? We live 2 minutes from a fabulous sledding hill. (The country club golf course has some good hills, amazingly enough.) Usually, when we go, it is just the four of us there and we fly down the hill, laughing all the way.

Carefree, frequent family sledding outings are one of the very few benefits to living in this arctic climate of ours.

Helmets for sledding? No thanks. Does that make me a bad parent?

Service

2009-01-20T21:47:00.009-06:00

I'm absolutely sure that I did not achieve many of the dreams my parents must have had for me.

I wasn't first in my class. I never made it to the moon. I didn't end up being a diplomat. I'm not running a company or breaking any world records. That Pulitzer prize never came. I have not made a million dollars. I haven't invented anything or discovered anything. I work for a middle-sized company, in a middle-management part-time job. By any measurements, I ended up as a very boring, average adult with no real outstanding achievements. Nothing to write home about.

And I'm OK with that. Really, I am.

But, somehow, and I'm not really sure how - both my sister and I managed to do the one thing that I think was valued most of all in our home: caring about something greater than ourselves.

My sister has done more for the environment than the rest of us put together. She's amazing. She is one of the rare people on this earth who "walk the walk" and live a truly eco-friendly life. She's a naturalist and works in the field of her passion. (And in her spare time, she teaches children about the environment, coaches kid's hockey, and works with disadvantaged kids.)

Me, I do what I can in the area of child poverty through Big Brothers/Big Sisters and the local schools. (Last week, that included dealing on a detailed level with really fun issues like sexual predators, parole officers and severe domestic violence. It's a laugh a minute, I tell you!)

Again, we aren't doing anything remarkable or earth shattering. Nothing we do takes any special intelligence or personality trait. We just show up to help - week after week after week after week. We don't know any different. This is how we were raised. It's like brushing our teeth. It's just something you do.

When I hear Obama speak, I think of my parents and how they have lived their lives and the values they passed on to my sister and to me. Community service is not optional. It's not something you talk about on Sundays at church, and then forget for the rest of the week. It's just something you do. Something you do today, and next week, and the week after that. You see a problem, and you step up to lead the solution. You put in your time, your money, your sweat and your tears. No excuses.

When I hear Obama speak, I imagine a world in which everyone steps up to help others in need.

And since this is my little fantasy world, I particularly imagine a world in which everyone calls up their local Big Brothers/Big Sisters office and signs up. I've been a "Big" for nearly 20 years and I've never seen as much need as I see right now - my own city has over 300 kids on the waiting list. There is dire child poverty right in our own backyards. There are kids who are desperate for a mentor - right in our neighborhoods.

I don't actually agree with every one of Obama's political views. But I wholeheartedly believe in his call to all Americans to embrace service to others as part of their every day life. His speech today sent shivers up my spine. Imagine what we could achieve if everyone were committed and involved. That is change I can believe in!

The big thaw

2009-01-17T19:39:00.003-06:00

I couldn't write anything this week because my fingers were frozen.

It was one of those weeks in Wisconsin in which the temperatures stayed below zero for most of the time. When it gets down to 20 below, it hurts. School was canceled for two days this week. Not for the snow, for the cold. Wind chills were -45. That's instant frostbite weather.

But the cold snap broke and it got up to 18 degrees today. As in "38 degrees warmer than it was yesterday." Everyone in Madison got a bit manic. People were out in t-shirts. No coat, no hat, no gloves. Just T-shirts.

When I stepped outside this morning - I swear to you, it felt like summer. At 18 degrees. (14 degrees below the temperature at which water freezes and it felt like summer.) The entire city was outside today, enjoying our amazing winter: skiing, sledding, skating, snowshoeing. It was a great day to live in Wisconsin. The kids didn't want to wear hats or mittens, and we could hardly force them in this heat wave.

So you can imagine our reaction to all the CNN reporters in Washington for the inauguration who are whining constantly about how cold it is. The windchill is in the 20s! Oh my. If it ever hits the 20s here, we'll be running outside naked. I swear we will.

world wide recession web

2009-01-09T21:08:00.005-06:00

Yesterday was not a good day at work. 25% of my office mates were laid off. This was done for solid financial reasons, and I'm sure it is good for the company as a whole. As business decisions go, this one was necessary.

But even so, it just all-around sucks. The whole day was awful. No chance to say good-bye. Good friends being walked to the door, under surveillance by the HR department. Lots of tears and empty faces. I almost felt guilty for being one of the ones left standing.

Honestly, I don't know how else it could have been done. I don't think there is any good way to do this sort of thing.

But late last night....we all started connecting on-line. An Instant Message here - a Facebook comment there - a new LinkedIn connection and a Twitter thrown in for good measure. It didn't change the facts. But it helped me for some reason. At one point, I was simultaneously IM-ing with 3 different people.

If we could just find a way to buy someone a beer over the internet, then we'd be all set.

Long time, no words

2009-01-04T20:44:00.004-06:00

You can tell when my family is visiting me, because I don't write anything for a long time. Why would I? The true reason for this silly blog, in the first place, is to give my far-away family a slight glimpse into the mundane minutiae of our life. I think that one of the hardest things about living so far away is that you miss out on the everyday details of life.

I was trying to explain "Facebook" to a friend who doesn't do any of this internet stuff and thinks that it is very silly and a bit self-indulgent. "Why in the world do you care what someone is doing at 4 in the afternoon?, " she asked. I answered, "because I do." I love knowing that my sister is having a good day....or a bad day....or that my best friend from high school has a cold, or that my husband's brother is at a particular airport, waiting for a delayed flight. I love looking at all the photos of kids and pets and Christmas trees.

These are all people whom I love, and who live very, very far away from me. We communicate through email, letters, and holiday visits. But we never really communicate the run-of-the-mill boring, everyday stuff that we all do. Until now. These blogs, and facebook pages, (and dare-I-say "Twitter"?) give you a glimpse into the mundane.

Another friend mentioned that when her parents visit, it takes a good 3-4 days for them to connect with her kids. We don't have that problem. I swear it is partly because my parents are so tuned into the self-indulgant, boring details of our life....that they really only know about due to all of these silly Web tools.

As the kids get older, it gets more difficult. I won't be writing about anything even remotely personal when it comes to them. And most of the photos will be over on Facebook, where I can control who sees them. (in my mind, at least.)

But I still don't get Twitter. (sorry, dear husband....I just don't.)

Made It

2008-12-16T20:51:00.003-06:00

Husband D was in Asia for 2 weeks. 2 long weeks. 2 very long weeks. 2 weeks in which Wisconsin had lots and lots of snow. But he returned a few days ago, and we all appear to be in one piece.

I'm trying not to whine, because in this economy we are so very grateful to both be employed in fun, flexible, interesting jobs that manage to pay for all of our expenses.

But just between you and me: 2 weeks of single parenting? So not my cup-of-tea.

In some ways, I'm glad it is so hard. At his last job, I would talk to other wives and complain about our husbands' trips overseas. Many, many times, I received the reply, "Actually, it's easier when he's gone. One less person to clean up after."

I don't have that experience. NOTHING is easier when he is gone. Me thinks that having a tremendously wonderful husband who helps with cleaning, child-rearing and other household duties ...and who also travels a bit...is loads better than having a husband who doesn't do any of those things.

The scary part, for me, is how much the kids step up when he is gone. They become little adults. My daughter manages things that no 9 year old should be responsible for. Seriously, one of these trips, she is going to turn to me and say, "mom, don't worry - I just logged onto the on-line bank account and paid the mortgage for you."

Once he's back, they revert right back to their childlike ways. But I can clearly see how so many children of single mothers become such over-achievers. Exhibit A: Lance Armstrong, Michael Phelps, Barack Obama. It's a very strange thing to watch as your children start to parent you. And it really does happen in a short 2-week period.

I'm sure that in some way the experience of desperately missing your husband with every cell in your brain and body is a good thing...especially after 14+ years of marriage. It's so easy to start taking each other for granted in the regular old day-to-day life we lead. A short absence makes you painfully aware of all the wonderful reasons you married the amazing guy in the first place.

At least that is what I'm telling myself....because he is headed back to Asia next month.

And I just looked at the calendar - funny, it appears that Christmas is next week. So funny. Next week. Really? If I write in my Christmas cards that I was a single mother for half of December...will people understand why they are getting them in February????

Please impeach me

2008-12-06T18:18:00.004-06:00

Can a PTA President be impeached? If so, I heartily submit my nomination for the process.

I'm the PTA President at my kids' school.

I realize all the stereotypes that go along with this admission. Yes, I've heard the "Type-A Overachiever mother who doesn't have a real job" label. And, yes, I've heard the "Helicopter Parent who is over-involved with her children" label. When you tell people you are the PTA President, they jump to both of these conclusions, immediately.

That's not me and that's not our school. Almost 70% of the kids at our school are poor. And not in the "live in a small house and don't go out to eat much" way. We're talking the "get our groceries from the food pantry" kind of poor.

I have a feeling that at other schools, the PTA is doing a lot of extra stuff - more books for the library, teacher appreciation events - that kind of stuff. At our school, the PTA is making sure the kids have enough to eat. Our biggest budget line-items are paying for classroom snacks and field trips. There would be no field trips if the PTA couldn't pay for them.

So, you can imagine my delight when the State PTA group rejected my by-laws for the fourth time. (Yes, fourth time) The first three times, they rejected them because I took out their mention of "place of worship" in the list of places where our PTA "promotes children's welfare." I'm all for religion and go to church regularly. But I didn't think that was appropriate for a school group by-laws. After 3 rejections, I gave up and put it back in. (I cave easily.)

This time, they rejected them because I used the term "bi-monthly" in reference to our meetings. Someone there thought the term meant "twice a month." I sent them back the bitchiest email I've sent in a while with all the links I could find with the correct definition of "bi-monthly" (which does, in fact, mean "every other month.")

We are trying to be more inclusive with our meetings, which means getting translators for two different languages, serving a full meal to all attendees, and providing free babysitting for all the kids. It's not easy to do all of that. It's been a hell of a lot of work. I was almost shouting in my email, as I explained to our state PTA that we had finally successfully managed to get the non-English speaking, poor families to come to our meetings. Finally, our meetings are representative of our school population. Finally, we are building a real community - not just the same 10 parents who attend, over and over again. To me, this is an incredible success story for our school. It's taken three years to get here.

So, to get the by-laws rejected because of the term "bi-monthly" really was the knife of bureaucracy, turning in my heart.

See, I'm not the PTA President because I have unfulfilled career ambitions or am living my life through my children.

I'm the PTA President because when I asked my "Little Sister" today what she wanted for Christmas, she turned to me and answered quietly, "mittens, please." I looked at her closely, and saw that her hands, which had been tucked inside her jacket all afternoon, surely enough, did not have mittens on them.

I hadn't noticed.

It's 7 degrees here.

How did I not notice? Really, how in God's world did I not notice that she was walking around Wisconsin in December without mittens? But I didn't.

We turned the car around and went to Target immediately and I'm pleased to report that she is now completely decked out in hats, mittens and boots.

70% of my own children's school are of the same economic demographic as my "Little Sister." I certainly can't buy all of them mittens, but I can do my small part in other ways through everyone's favorite group....the dreaded PTA.

With or without operating by-laws....

..and so the Lion fell in love with the Lamb...

2008-12-02T20:53:00.004-06:00

You may remember my rant against the Kindle.

When, oh when, will I learn that the equation:

"Granddaughter wants it" plus "Mother says no"

will ALWAYS equal:

"Grandmother steps in to delight granddaughter"

So, yes, we are now the proud owners of a Kindle. (Ha! See how I already say "we.") I suppose you can already see where this is going.....I fell madly in love with my daughter's Kindle.

Yes, after many arguments against it (see "it's too expensive" or "she's too young" or "it's a fad" or "it's not a real book" or "what a waste of money"), I am now its biggest fan.

At first, I only used it after daughter D. went to bed. It was her birthday gift, after all. On a lark, I decided to buy the #1 selling title for the Kindle: some book called "Twilight" that I had never heard of before.

I read it in one sitting.

I couldn't put it down. I stayed up way past my bedtime and finished the book. This is NOT great literature. It's young adult fiction with more than one grammatical error. But I read the whole book in one sitting. I haven't done that since high school. I have no idea what the appeal was - vampires? young love? who knows. I was mesmerized.

Normally, I'm a bit of a literary snob. When it is my turn to host my bookclub, I invariably choose something like "Anna Karenina" or "The Great Gatsby" - classics. Books with teeth. But something about this Twilight series sucked me in. I proceeded to buy the next three books and read them in the next three days. Yes, I stole my daughters birthday present, lay on the couch in front of the fire and said to my family, "make your own damn dinner - I'm reading." And I did. I shut out the entire world and read.

I'm not proud.

Luckily, Daughter D is good at sharing and my Twilight obsession only lasted a few days. (These are skim-able books, and I was able to polish them off very quickly.) So, she has her device back now and I only poach it after she has gone to bed.

But it felt so good to have that obsessive-reading feeling again. That "nothing is more important than finishing this book" feeling. I'm a bit embarrassed that it came back for a book that really isn't all that good (in a literary masterpiece sense.) But it came back. For just a few moments, I was 12 again. I had no responsibilities, no job, no meals to cook. I could just read, read, and read some more.

Thank you, Kindle.

Thanksgiving 2008

2008-11-28T09:02:00.002-06:00

It's not truly a holiday without a visit to the emergency room, right?

A door attacked son D's head soon after Turkey dinner, creating a deep, bloody gash in his head. No one is exactly sure how it happened, the adults were all talking downstairs while the kids were running around upstairs. But it sounds like it involved a group of 6 year old boys wrestling, falling, a kick or two, and a door in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It was pretty scary to look at - lots of blood and a deeper cut than one should really be able to have on one's head. (Who knew there was that much skin between the scalp and the skull?)

This is yet another example of why our particular family needs two parents. One of us becomes more clear-headed, stronger and calmer when met with a child with blood pouring from his head.

That would NOT be me. I provide the dramatic flair, the "OMG - there is blood streaming from my baby's head" cries. Ying and Yang, right?

The boy thought the ER was the coolest place ever to spend a holiday. The hours we spent waiting just whizzed by as he had both parents at his disposal - and a Pokeman book - and games on the iPhone.

Then, just when he thought it couldn't get any better - it turns out that his doctor was the goalie for the UW-Madison women's soccer team, back in the day. Staples *and* soccer talk. Someone pinch me, we must be dreaming.

We took some photos to pass the time:

He's still wearing the bracelet, as a memento from the best Thanksgiving night ever.

Oh, to be six again and find joy and fun in every single experience you have....

Nine

2008-11-19T21:27:00.003-06:00

Why is it such a shock to me when my eldest turns another year older? Why does "9" sound so much older than "8"? It's not like we don't know that this is going to happen each year. We've got plenty of time to prepare for the inevitable. Yet, each year - it seems like it sneaks up on me, these birthdays of the eldest child.

There are two boys with whom Daughter D gets along with really well. They live in our neighborhood, are on her summer swim team, and are in her math group at school.

But - she's been too embarrassed to invite them over to our house. In Kindergarten, we went through some minor bullying on the bus. A 5th grade boy taunted her incessantly about her relationship with another good friend/neighbor with whom she sat on the bus and who happened to be a boy. Lots of "boyfriend" talk and some of it inappropriate. We got through it, but the embarrassment remains.

After much convincing and pleading, I convinced her to invite these two boys over. They are really sweet and she enjoys their company. They are as obsessed with math as she is. They like Pokeman as much as she does.

Daughter D doesn't really like all the girly-girl stuff that has started to go on. The girls her age are all creating "clubs" and D. won't join them. She thinks the fake clubs are silly and says that they are only making them to exclude people. (I suspect there is a grain of truth in that.) But you can imagine how well that goes over....what could possibly be worse than creating an exclusive club, inviting someone to join and having her say, "No Thanks." It doesn't go over well. They feel rebuffed. D. feels ostracized.

I keep telling her "hang out with the boys! They don't pull that shit." (except I say "stuff" - really I do.)

But....in order to get her to agree to invite actual boys over, I also had to invite another friend of hers who is a girl, and all of their younger brothers. That gives us 8 kids who will be getting off the bus on Friday and staying through dinner. (D. insisted on the younger brothers...I suspect because they are all the same age as her younger brother...)

Oh, and I also had to buy all the kids a Pokeman Booster Pack. Hey - I'm not above bribery to kickstart the gender-neutral friendhips.

Please Congress, don't bail out the auto industry

2008-11-15T21:45:00.004-06:00

Megan McArdle says it well:

But whatever your feeling about government intervention in the economy, or the correct level of income inequality, I think there's one thing we can all agree on: for the world to get better, things that don't work have to fail.

The Economist had the best argument I've read for saying "yes" to a bailout of the financial industry and "no" to a bailout of the car industry. With the financial industry - the 'bad' would have taken out the 'good' - they are so intertwined. A collapse in confidence in the banking system would hurt everyone. Your honest local bank, in your little town, may have gone under due to the mismanagement of a few bad apples. (And picture this on a global scale.)

But the auto industry is different. If GM goes under, the plant in Tennessee that is making Toyotas will be fine. It will be terrible and awful for anyone associated with GM. But it won't completely kill the rest of the industry.

The Big Three aren't working. Propping their bloated bureaucracies and their unwieldy unions won't help our country.

Halfway there?

2008-11-14T09:03:00.002-06:00

Last night at dinner, we were discussing Daughter D's upcoming birthday. She stopped us in our tracks by remarking, "I'll be 9 - that's halfway to 18!"

That is simply not possible.

18 is college, driving, dating, voting, moving away from home.

So, really? We're halfway there?

There is a small part of me that simply can't fathom a world that isn't centered on my children. Good thing we have 3 cats.

Revenge of the Nodes

2008-11-12T19:35:00.004-06:00

As a child, I had swollen lymph nodes. Constantly. If I even got the slightest cold, the nodes would plump right up. My dad was in the Coast Guard so we moved around quite a bit. Every town had a new doctor and a new person to explain about the swollen lymph nodes. According to my mother, some doctors thought I had lyme disease. Another insisted it was "cat scratch fever."

I have survived, swollen nodes and all.

So, my reaction can be forgiven, when the school nurse called me today in an absolute panic. Son D's lymph nodes were swollen. Scarily swollen. Visibly swollen. "Oh, yeah," I said, "that happens."

The school nurse seemed surprised by my ambivalence to my son's condition. He'd gotten a crick in his neck earlier this morning that was bothering him. He was in a bit of neck pain. She called me back at work 3 more times. She was convinced that it was an excessively swollen left supraclavicular lymph node. Evidently that can be the first sign of something really bad. She suggested we get it looked at immediately.

Luckily, husband D could drop everything at work and go get him. I managed to get the boy to the Doctor later this afternoon (at the school nurse's insistence.)

I explained to our doctor, "my family - our nodes - they swell" but had written down the school nurse's concerns word-for-word, just to be safe. Our Doc checked him out thoroughly and said that he is perfectly fine. The school nurse had mis-identified the particular swollen nodes - They are not the supraclavicular nodes (although to her credit, they are on the left.)

So, as annoyed as I was to disrupt our daily schedule for an overly cautious school nurse, I was deeply grateful, too.

Somewhere in this great big world of ours, I suspect there was a mother today who didn't get to feel annoyed. Instead, she had her worst nightmares confirmed - some kind of serious illness in her child.

It's amazing how just the flicker of possibility of something bad happening to your child immediately rearranges all of your priorities. In the blink of an eye, that "Top Priority Project" at work doesn't even matter.

And can I say that we have the best Kindergarten teacher in the world? She called us at home tonight to make sure he was OK. Say what you will about the quality of education in a high-poverty urban school...but our teachers, they care.

election night jitters

2008-11-04T19:19:00.002-06:00

My kids are coloring in their electoral college maps as I type. I'm trying not to look, or listen, for just a minute. Blue, then red, then blue again. I've had to resharpen the blue and red pencils twice, already.

My neighbor wrote another great piece about our kids.

We went to vote as a family this morning. I took son D into the booth with me, Daughter D went with her father. I lifted son D onto my hip so he could see better and watched as his eyes scanned the ballot. Then, he saw it - "Obama!" he yelled. (so much for the private ballot?) He watched as I drew my line. I am not ashamed to admit that I got a little teary-eyed.

My whole life I've been voting "against" someone. (Usually with the last name of "Bush") I've never really voted "for" someone before. It's a really great feeling to vote for someone.

When I picked the kids up from school today, there was a man in the parking lot who looked confused. He came up to me and asked if this was "whitetail" middle school? in very broken English. No, I replied, it's a "another name" elementary school. He looked crushed.

I looked at the paper in his hand. It was an Obama flyer in which he had scribbled the name of the local middle school. I quickly deduced that he had never voted before and didn't know where to go. I drew him a map to get to the middle school.

Our eyes connected and I teared up again. I'm a middle-aged white mother. He appeared to be an older Hispanic grandfather. I gave him the thumbs up and said "Obama!" He gave me the biggest smile I've seen in years and went on his way.

I am full of hope for the world tonight. However the election turns out - I am am full of hope.

pre-election night jitters

2008-11-03T20:13:00.002-06:00

I'm trying not to think about the election. We've done all we can, right? Whichever side you are voting for, it's all in the hands of the voters now.

This afternoon, though, I realized that Daughter D turns 9 in two short weeks. With all the election/political/school stuff going on, we sort of forgot all about that. I've done nothing to prepare for her birthday.

So, I asked her what she wanted. She only had one request - a Kindle. I gently explained to her that 9 year-old children do not get $350 gadgets for their birthdays. She understood. (In her defense, she did not know the cost.) We caught a bit of Oprah the other afternoon, while I was folding laundry. (Oprah is my one vice. I don't really like much on TV, but at least once a week, I must catch one of our recorded Oprah episodes. It is the best laundry-folding show ever.) Oprah was singing the praises of this device. I was left unimpressed but Daughter D was transformed. Utterly transformed.

I tried to reason with her about the pure beauty of reading books on paper - the tactile joy of turning the page. I'm old school, I guess. (or 40...) She would have nothing to do with that argument. To her, the very concept of having all of her precious books in one place was nothing short of nirvana.

I miss being 9. This is her schedule: She wakes up - and reads. She goes to school (with 3 books in her backpack) - and reads. She gets home from school - and reads. She has a snack - and then reads to her brother. They go outside to play, come back in - and read some more. We have dinner, do homework, practice piano, bathe,....and then read to the kids before bed. We put her to bed...and she turns on her light and sneaks in some more reading.

Her life is basically reading - interrupted by meals, school, and the occasional soccer practice. She's not allowed to watch TV during the week, and isn't yet obsessed with the internet. So, all that's left are books.

So, I went to Amazon and ordered her a bunch of books. Books with pages. And ink. Old school reading - the kind you can touch.

I wonder if this is this where the generation gap starts? I'm up with Facebook, WebKinz, Twitter and Poptropica. Will that be enough? Or will she always be one step ahead of me, technologically, from here on out?

The Economist endorses Obama

2008-10-30T21:01:00.002-05:00

The Economist is not a liberal publication. Trust me, I read it cover-to-cover every week. It is my favorite gift ever from my parents. (Well, that and the piano.) I often vehemently disagree with many of its positions (school vouchers come to mind) - but I learn from each and every one of their articles. I always get the feeling that someone smarter than I am wrote it....and I should pay attention, even if I don't 100% agree.

Here's their endorsement.

This one I agree with. Wholeheartedly.

Write to Marry

2008-10-29T21:26:00.002-05:00

Today happens to be my 14th wedding anniversary. I'm lucky enough to be married (in my opinion) to the world's most wonderful man - the father of my children, my best friend, not to mention, my own personal in-house IT consultant.

On our street, there are 3 couples who aren't so lucky. They can't get married. They are in love - they live together - (and for all I know one of them provides free in-home technology consulting for the other.) But they are of the same gender. So, by law, they can't get married.

I am a big believer in a caring, loving God. My God doesn't discriminate. In fact, my God identifies most with the outcasts, the downtrodden, the "Different." (Let me tell you, my God *really* liked me in 7th grade...)

So, I don't understand - I really don't understand - why my cool & wonderful neighbors can't get married. They are committed and devoted. They are smart. They pay taxes. They are kind. They don't even care that half the bushes in my yard are dead.

We had a similar vote in Wisconsin 4 years ago. I can't remember if we were supposed to vote "yes" or "no" - but the end result was a ban on some marriages. I was sorely disappointed.

I have to think that the people who voted against marriage hadn't met my neighbors. Because if they had, how could they possibly be against it?

I am hoping that California votes differently.

Mondays

2008-10-28T21:16:00.004-05:00

I don't have to go to work on Mondays, and I invariably end up spending most of the day at the kids' school.

I am especially enjoying the time in son D's Kindergarten class. I get to help out with math groups. Kindergarten math - I should be able to handle that, right?

The group I'm with most consists of three of the most adorable children in the universe. But they don't speak English. Two are Hmong and the other just moved from Africa.

It's a comedy of errors, me trying to teach them math concepts. I have to throw my whole body into explaining the difference between "big" and "small." I count on my fingers. I draw pictures of everything.

These kids aren't dumb - they are far from it. But it takes me 30 minutes to make a connection that "9" = nine = 9 fingers held up = (insert picture of nine cats here.) Finally, one of them gets it. Her entire face erupts in smiles, she squeals and we high-five each other. (nine times.) You would think she just got into Harvard - she is that excited.

Sometimes, the teacher gives me the group with my son in it. The group that is counting to 500 and doing complicated addition and subtraction. Don't get me wrong, I love working with my son. But no one in his group squeals with glee when they get a problem right. No one really struggles with anything, they seem genetically programed to get everything right. Their parents are lawyers, doctors and engineers. Success is all they know. I don't have to draw nine cats. I don't have to count nine fingers.

Lots of people complain about the immigrants at our school. They try hard not to make it sound racist, they cloak it in complaining about "poverty." And yes, poverty does bring problems. Lots of them. I can't sugar-coat that.

But I have to believe that the immigrants at our school are also bringing something good. I can't put it into words, exactly. But it makes me want to high-five, squeal with delight and draw lots and lots of cats.

So much for my plans to move to another country.

2008-10-25T21:21:00.003-05:00

According to Friday's Wall Street Journal:

There are no safe havens from the forces battering the global economy any longer.

In rich countries and poor countries alike, markets are plunging, companies are scrambling for credit and cutting their growth plans and consumers are keeping cash in their pockets. The U.S. and some governments in Europe and Asia are spending heavily to stanch the problems in markets and Main Streets globally, but the attempts have not halted the damage.

Who says the US doesn't export anything anymore? We export recession!

And then, just to make us feel better, the article continues:

While markets have been tumbling for some time, Friday seemed to be a day when many people around the world became convinced the economy is in for a long recession.

It makes sense - as the US cuts back spending on goods imported from Asia, Asia will feel a squeeze too.

I know that the list of things that President Bush has done right is short...but I do think he has done a good job with China (economically....I'm not going to get pulled into the Olympics controversy...) The SED (Strategic Economic Dialogue) has made steps in the right direction. (again, economically.) But that can only go so far.

So, what I'd like is for each of the candidates to stand up and say, "Hey! you know all these promises I've been making over the last year? lowering taxes? improving services? ha! ha! ha! - I'm not going to be able to do a bit of it! But I'll promise not to screw anything up any worse than it was the day I got it."

I'd vote for that guy.

Wednesday was Blog Action Day 2008 Poverty

2008-10-18T20:39:00.003-05:00

I missed it, but didn't want to miss out on writing about a cause that is dear to my heart.

Due to some fabulous mentoring programs - Project Northstar and Big Brothers/Big Sisters, I've been blessed with the opportunity to be part of a larger community to help lift children out of poverty.

By chance, I wandered into a run-down DC school the month after I graduated from college (almost 20 years ago.) I saw an ad for volunteer tutors for Project Northstar at GWU, where my dad was a professor. I didn't know what to expect, but I decided to show up.

Little did I know, that day would change my life.

A bus pulled up full of kids from a DC homeless shelter. I was assigned to work with one of three triplets. My triplet was rightfully suspicious of the naive "do-gooder" in front of her. I had no frame of reference for her life. I'd just graduated from college and was about to start grad school. I had two married parents, had always lived in a house, and had never been hungry a day in my life.

For the first two months, she would stare at me, sullenly, and call me names. Some of the names weren't very nice. But being young and stubborn, naive and frankly, not knowing any better, I kept coming back. Every Tuesday night, I'd return to the run-down DC school and we'd sit in the cafeteria together, staring at her homework.

Finally, she began to trust me. Slowly, she began opening up. Eventually, we even tackled some of her homework. She was in 4th grade at the time. We managed to meet weekly until she hit 10th grade, and I moved away to Madison.

During those 6 years, I think I learned as much from her as I learned at college. I learned that poverty hits kids and it hits them hard. I learned that underneath those sullen, hungry, angry eyes was a beautiful, smart, kind and wonderful young lady.

I joined up with Big Brothers/Big Sisters when I got to Madison, and have had very similar experiences with my "littles." My first match and I started when she was in Kindergarten. When she was a Sophmore in High School, she moved to Chicago so I started with my current match last spring.

I can not say enough good things about mentoring programs. They take regular old average people like me, and match us with fabulous children. These fabulous children turn us into better people. They make us kinder. They make us more generous. They make us happier. They teach us more about the world than any advanced degree ever could.

And, most importantly, Mentoring programs lift children out of poverty.

Mentoring programs work. I've seen it with my own two eyes with three separate children. It's not enough to throw money into welfare programs (although I definitely thing just about all programs serving the poor need more money...) You have to show kids who grow up in poverty that a different life even exists. How do they know about college if they've never met anyone who went to college? How do they know about marriage if they've never known anyone who was married? How do they know about mortgages if they've never lived in a house?

One of the biggest regrets I have is that I have done a really rotten job of keeping in touch with my first two matches. But I see my current match every week (when possible) and do everything in my power to integrate her into my life so she can see that her future is not hopeless - it can be as bright as we can make it.

And let me repeat: I am nothing special. All I do is open up my life once a week to one other person. Some days we do fun outings. Other days, we just sit around and play card games. This is not rocket science or any great contribution to society. This is just regular, day-to-day old stuff. Anyone can do this. Really, anyone.

Once someone said to me, "Aren't you afraid of the effect she (meaning the poor "little") will have on your children?"

I was flabbergasted, and mumbled "no" and changed the subject. But in retrospect, I wish I had replied, "No, I'm proud of the effect she is having on my children. She is teaching them to be kind, generous and aware of the inequities in our world."

It's hard to accept that we live in a country where nearly 13 million children —18% of all children—live in families with incomes below the federal poverty level —$21,200 a year for a family of four.

More related links:
NCCP (National Center for Children in Poverty)
Childhood Poverty
Blog Action Day List of Posts
Neat & Simple Living
On Simplicity
Images of Poverty
Big Brothers/Big Sisters

Thank you, Apple screen-grab program.

2008-10-13T20:53:00.002-05:00

I don't break many rules. I follow a lot of very silly rules, in fact, just to follow the rules.

But I draw the line at paying $50 to get a digital copy of a photo of me right after I finished the marathon. Yes, that is what the sports photo company wanted to charge me for the digital rights for a photo. So, I "grabbed" it with the "Grab" program on our trusty Mac, and now I have it for free.

Hey, if the economy is going to hell in a hand basket, I'm just going to do my part to reduce needless consumption.

I don't remember the marathons in the early days having this type of photo service. There must be someone out there who pays the $50 bucks for the photo, or else it wouldn't exist. I realize that we marathoners are a bit on the self-centered side, but I really can't imagine anyone who would pay good money for this stuff.

In other running-contest-related news, Daughter D ran the most laps of anyone in the entire 3rd grade at school last week. She was pretty proud. Note that she did not run the fastest of anyone in the entire 3rd grade....she just collapsed last. My kind of contest.

Settle for Bronze

2008-10-11T21:25:00.003-05:00

Son D announced today that "Daddy is my second-best friend."

"Oh?" I asked. "Who is your first-best friend?"

"Sister D. of course" was the reply.

I paused, then asked, "So where do I fit into the picture?"

"Oh, Mama - you're my third-best friend."

I suppose I should be glad I am even in the running. As soon as his friends make it into the list, I am sure to be bumped out of the top ten.

Viva Viagra?

2008-10-07T06:51:00.002-05:00

One good thing about the complicated television system my husband has concocted is that the children don't normally watch commercials. The DVR lets us skip right through them on any recorded show.

So, on the rare occasion when we get to watch a live show - say, a baseball playoff game - the commercials are the most interesting thing to them. They mostly half-ignore the TV when they watch, usually play some game on the side. Until a commercial comes on. Then, they are mesmerized, staring at the TV like it has super-powers.

Between the Brewers and the Red Sox, we've had a few play-off games on this week. As a result, the children have been parading through the house, dancing with each other, singing "Viva Viagra!" at the top of their lungs. That is one of their favorites.

Not sure how to explain that one to them.

Who Knew?

2008-10-06T21:15:00.002-05:00

I finally got to volunteer in son D's Kindergarten class today. It is a wonderful class full of amazing children. My favorite part was working with a delightful little girl who didn't seem to speak much English. But we did just fine. We were counting and identifying numbers. Every time she got one right, her entire face would light up and she would burst into applause for herself.

Afterward, I was speaking with his teacher and she was talking about how challenging it was to teach to the various levels in the classroom. She said, "we've got kids who just came to the country on one hand, and kids like 'son D' who are reading already, on the other."

I corrected her, and said, "You mean another child, right? Son D. can't read." She gave me a puzzled look and told me that, indeed, he was reading. I explained that we spent a lot of time reading at home, but he had yet to read in our presence. She laughed and told me that her second child loved to be read to so much that he too, hid his ability to read to himself.

Son D's favorite part of the morning is when I walked his class down the stairs for recess. Correction: they ran down the stairs, while I attempted to move my very sore legs down a staircase. Going down stairs is never a good idea the day after a marathon. He seems to find my temporary muscle soreness quite comical.

But the marathon went so well that I'm still walking on air, so I can hardly complain about the lactic acid. I beat my fastest previous time (set when I was in my 20s.) However, I'm finding that a 40 year old's marathon recovery is a bit different than a 20-somethings recovery. Pass the ibuprofen.

Rainy Sunday

2008-10-03T20:20:00.003-05:00

I am rather neurotically checking Milwaukee's weather for Sunday for the marathon. At first, it was "isolated showers" and then "chance of showers" and finally today the forecast is for "definite showers" and the dreadful words "isolated thunderstorms."

I don't do thunderstorms. I will run through almost everything. I ran this same marathon in 90 degree weather last year - running past person after person who collapsed and had to be taken away in an ambulance. (Note: I do not think this is wise. Any sane person would have stopped. In Chicago, someone died on that same day at their marathon.) I run through snow. Once I ran a race in a -20 F windchill. (Again: not smart, sane people would stop. My husband got frostbite on his ear just walking from the car to the warming shelter during that same race.)

But I draw the line at lightning. I stop running at the first rumble of thunder and take shelter. For some reason, that danger is much clearer to me. (I rationalize that heat exhaustion and frostbite don't usually kill you, they just put you in the hospital for a day or two.) Lightening, though, for some reason that seems more deadly.

I will be so bummed if 6 months of training is erased by a bolt of lightening!!!!

Hold on, the ride is about to get a bit bumpy

2008-09-29T16:48:00.006-05:00

It's been a strange day. A day in which I actually agree with George Bush. A day in which I admire my own Representative, Tammy Baldwin, and my favorite Republican, Tom Davis, even more:
roll call for the bail-out vote
more here

(And we can only wish it was a bill to provide assistance to the Peace Corps volunteers....evidently they had to steal the name of another bill to get it through so quickly.)

I get that people don't want to use taxpayer money to rescue Wall Street. I certainly don't!

Here at chez-Nelson we've been living in our not-very-big house and staying (mostly) within our monthly budget. I've been a working mom, even when I really would have preferred being home for those first few years. I've been contributing slowly but surely to my 401(k) and the kids' 529s to keep our assets higher than our liabilities and save for the future. Living within our means. blah, blah, blah, boring, boring, boring. Suze Orman would be proud.

So why should any of my hard-earned, smartly-invested income go for a wall street bailout?

Because the alternative is much worse. And because we can't afford to see what happens if the banks fail and the credit market dries up.

See Dan Drezner and Paul Krugman and The Economist for more nuanced analysis.

Ironically, the conservative writers seem to be making the best points:

Megan McArdle
Larry Summers

Ironic because it seems that the House Republicans were the ones who voted against it.

Should we fly in a few economists to teach them about the Ted Spread?

They've got to be able to find 23 House Republicans who care more about their country than getting re-elected, right? (I think that is the number they need?) The Republican president supports this. The Republican Treasury Secretary supports this. The Republican presidential candidate supports this. What are the House Republicans trying to prove?

Yes, this sucks. But it isn't just going to blow over.

Can I go back to horse camp? At least the manure was used for something useful there...

Escaping for the weekend

2008-09-26T16:46:00.003-05:00

Daughter D and I are headed here for the weekend for "Mother/Daughter Horseback Riding Camp." It was my 40th birthday present to myself.

I bet the horses won't care about sub-prime mortgages, corporate layoffs, bank failures or political debates. It will be good to turn the news off for a few days.

The Babe

2008-09-24T21:22:00.003-05:00

We are hopelessly behind on Thank-You-Notes for the half of the family who celebrated September birthdays chez K&3D. I blame Kindergarten. Kindergarten has worn me out.

But son D got one of his favorite presents ever from my aunts: A Yankees Jersey. He literally danced with joy when he opened it. Danced. I kid you not.

How the son/grandson of a family of die-hard Red Sox fans became obsessed with the Yankees is a bit of a long story.

I blame Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth has a very interesting history. Many, many biographies have been written about Babe Ruth documenting this very interesting history. I know this because I have read every single one of them out loud to my son.

At the beginning, I tried to insert the words "the evil" before every mention of the "New York Yankees" in the many, many books I read. This worked for a few weeks, and it was a bit cute (in a twisted way that only a Red Sox fan will understand) to see my then-four-year old son refer to the team as "the evil New York Yankees" repeatedly.

But eventually, he turned five, and realized that Mommy was a) not reading the real words; and b) a bit jaded.

Finally, he turned six this month and ended up with a full-blown obsession with Babe Ruth. He was thrilled beyond words when he heard that the Yankees won their last game "in the house that Babe built."

We aren't trying to raise little replicas of ourselves, right? It's good when they show their own minds and opinions, right? Life would be boring if our kids only like what we tell them to like. Right???

...at least he hasn't stuck a McCain sign in the lawn. Yet.

Wake me up when September ends.

2008-09-23T08:13:00.004-05:00

George Will has some interesting points today.

If the Republicans had nominated someone with even an ounce of financial sense, this election would be wrapped up. I would gladly put aside all my other issues and vote for the candidate who fully understood the global financial situation. Republican or Democrat. This crisis is that important.

Sadly, I'm not sure we have a great financial-whiz option with either of our two current choices.

I've been listening to both of them. McCain is coming across as someone who would make questionable decisions without fully understanding the facts. (The first thing we should do is fire Chris Cox? Really?)

To me, Obama is coming across as someone who has never really firmly grasped the workings of the world financial system. I'm hoping that someone as bright as he is could learn quickly. He does seem to be surrounding himself with smart people.

What a mess. Is it just me or does something momentously horrible happen every few years in September? Terrorist attacks, Tragic hurricanes, Financial catastrophe.

My apologies to Green Day, but next time - maybe you could write a song about July or February? Could we spread the wealth a little here?

Required Reading

2008-09-18T20:53:00.003-05:00

As an economist-wanna-be, I found this article in the Times to be the best out there on explaining the activities of the week.

Read it and weep for your 401(k) account.

Finally, someone who gets it

2008-09-16T21:20:00.002-05:00

It's been over 13 years since I lived in the DC area, but I still read the Washington Post on-line regularly.

This article by Sandra Tsing Loh on parents and public education is brilliant.

Ever since Palin came on the scene, I've been reading blog post after blog post mocking the "PTA Mom." Each author assumes that PTA moms are all stay-at-home women who like to bake cookies and think that running the PTA is their life's ambition. They feed into the stereotype that we are type-A overacheivers who have fallen off the career path with no outlet for our creativity except for building a better bake sale.

They don't get it. They don't get what it is like to be deep in the trenches of an urban, poor school.

We aren't volunteering because we have nothing better to do.

We are volunteering because over half of our son's class didn't eat breakfast and probably won't eat dinner. We are volunteering because the time we brought in oranges, half the class lit up with joy because they'd never seen an orange before. We are volunteering because one third of our son's class doesn't speak a single word of English -- Gee, ya think the teacher might need to spend a little extra time with those kids?

I think I might be developing a PTA-mom crush on Sandra Tsing Loh. Of all the articles I've read over the last month, she is the first one who truly gets it. At least from where I sit.

no intenet! and I survived!

2008-09-13T21:51:00.002-05:00

Our modem has been dying a slow death. About a week ago, it stopped working, but sporadically gave us a minute or two each day of internet. Then, mid-week, it just died. Finally, today, someone from the cable company came out and brought us a new one.

It's amazing how much a complete lack of internet changes your daily life. I read books. Whole books. Read the "The Abstinence Teacher" at one sitting.

Despite the "no internet," it's been a busy week. Let's see...I turned 40; hosted a birthday party for 14 friends of my turning-6-this-week son; worked like a madwoman at my job; dealt with the usual school stuff...and more.

School is going really well for the kids.

One benefit of being in a low-income school in Wisconsin is the class sizes. Daughter D has 11 kids in her 3rd grade class.

One of the challenges of being in a low-income school in Wisconsin is that they can never predict class sizes accurately. (It's a very transient population.) Son D has 18 kids in his class - so on Monday, they are going to create a brand new class and many of the Kindergartners will move to the new class. I know everything will work out fine - whether he moves to the new class or stays in his current (fabulous) class, but this not-knowing stage is always hard. Bottom line is that he'll be in a class with less than 15 kids, no matter what happens. So that is good.

He's having a great experience though. His class includes many kids who don't speak English. There are a few kids who no absolutely no English. He is fascinated by this. So far, his main contribution to their education seems to be the teaching of what we would deem "bathroom words" - but hey, I guess everyone needs to learn those words somewhere.

I didn't have a problem with turning 40 on Monday. It felt like it was time to be 40. I'm at a very "40" place in my life. I have a job I enjoy, a husband I adore, healthy (and wonderful) children, a home that feels like a home, amazing friends and all the rest. It feels like 40 should be to me.

But, son D will be 6 on Wednesday. That just doesn't seem possible. Really - he was JUST born. Like yesterday. Really. He's 6?????

Swing State Commercials

2008-09-10T20:40:00.002-05:00

Here in Wisconsin, we are now being treated to this ad:
http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2008/09/09/politics/horserace/entry4433099.shtml

http://www.swamppolitics.com/news/politics/blog/2008/09/mccain_plays_dirty_on_obama_se.html

The beginning of the ad is fine - basic differences in how McCain and Obama view education. I'm actually interested in learning more about McCain's views on education - how he sees the voucher system working - how he would flush out school choice.

But then..they go and claim that Obama wants to teach sex education to Kindergarteners.
How low can they go? That is a blatant lie.

My favorite quote from the Chicago Tribune piece:

Is Sen. John McCain against kindergartners being taught the difference between good touching and bad touching to protect children from sexual predators?

Or does the McCain campaign really have such a low opinion of Sen. Barack Obama that it actually believes he wanted to have Illinois kindergartners taught all the titillating details of human sexual anatomy.

There's another possibility, of course, that we are in the spitball phase of the campaign, where the McCain team is willing to send whatever it can Obama's way to see what sticks.

When the Republicans nominated John McCain, I was so relieved. I may not agree with him on all the issues, but at least he was a decent, honest, honorable straight-talking man who wouldn't stoop to Rove-ian tactics to get elected.

Guess I was wrong about that. Shame on you, John McCain. This is worse than some of the stuff Rove did. This is no renegade 527. This has you at the end saying "I approved this message." Shame on you.

The Clone Warzzzzzzzz

2008-09-05T21:15:00.002-05:00

Let this be a warning: I sat through the Clone Wars so you don't have to.

I'm not sure a movie could be more boring if they set out to make a boring movie.

I told son D. that I'd pick him up at school on Friday afternoon and we could celebrate his first week of Kindergarten by doing whatever he wanted! Obviously, my first child is a girl, because in my mind he would choose a) go to the zoo; b) go to the library; c) go shopping - all fabulous choices.

But no, he chose the Clone Wars. So, to the movie theater we went. Me, my 2 kids and 2 of their friends.

It reminded me of those long boring novels that we found at the half-price book store - the novels based on the Star Wars screen plays. 300+ pages of light saber fighting descriptions with no literary value. At least the movie had pictures, I suppose. I could never tell who was a good-guy and who was a bad-guy, that made it frustrating. They all looked like the same droid to me.

But the kids loved it. Best movie they'd ever seen. I guess you need to be 8 or 5 to truly appreciate this one.

Now to get them to stop calling me their "padawan....."

working 9 to 5

2008-09-05T08:39:00.004-05:00

I'm getting immense joy seeing all those conservatives touting a woman's right to have a career and a family.

Because I gotta say, I have *not* been feeling that love before this week.

I work 20 hours/week. We have 2 children. We have had excellent childcare. Husband D. is an extremely involved father. I feel immensely lucky that we have managed to end up with this arrangement.

But I have been told as various times by various conservatives that I:
- was shirking in my duties by "letting someone else raise my kids"
- was putting ambition before my true vocation of motherhood
- was not a "real" mother because real mothers stay home with their kids. All the time.

I'm no Governor. I'm not campaigning for anything. I don't have 5 kids. I don't have a pregnant daughter and I don't have a special needs son.

Me, I couldn't do what Palin is doing. She seems to love it and seems to be thriving. Honestly, I don't think I could throw my daughter into the national spotlight if she were going through a major crisis. Ever. But that's me.

So, you won't hear me saying that Palin isn't a real mother...or that she is putting her ambition in front of her children. I may silently think it for a moment or two. But then I will try to remember all the people who have accused me of the same thing. And I will hold judgment. Or try to, anyway.

But still - I am enjoying seeing these tables turn.

First Day of School - brother and sister version

2008-09-02T21:42:00.002-05:00

Daughter D. and I have been watching random speeches from the Democratic Convention via iTunes. My favorite - by far - has been the introduction of Michelle Obama by her brother. He was heartfelt and sincere. Michelle's speech was fabulous, of course, but it was his introduction that got to me.

Today was my youngest child's first day of Kindergarten. I thought I'd get emotional - cry maybe. But I didn't. I didn't cry for daughter D's first day 3 years ago either. Maybe I'm missing the "crying at Kindergarten" gene. Perhaps because my "crying at every friggin commercial during the Olympics" gene is the dominant one. (Seriously, who tears up at a Visa commercial, but doesn't shed a tear during a major life moment? Me, I guess.)

But today, I was too busy having a brief shining moment of joy for the relationship the kids are creating. Daughter D. took her brother under her wing - sat with him on the bus - got him where he needed to go - explained everything to him.

At one point early this morning, we were sitting in the living room. Son D. was talking about how nervous he was to go to school and said he needed a "snuggle." I reached out, and he reached right past me...into his sister's arms. She gave him a big hug and he rested his head against her shoulder. It was one of those moments in which all is well with the world.

I know this won't last forever. In 8 years, it is pretty much guaranteed that he will be the pesky younger brother spying on her dates. But for now, it is pretty great.

Obama takes the high road

2008-09-01T18:00:00.001-05:00

When asked about Palin's unmarried teenage daughter's pregnancy, Obama says:

"I have heard some of the news on this and so let me be as clear as possible. I have said before and I will repeat again, I think people's families are off limits, and people's children are especially off limits. This shouldn't be part of our politics, it has no relevance to governor Palin's performance as a governor or her potential performance as a vice president. And so I would strongly urge people to back off these kinds of stories. You know my mother had me when she was 18. And how family deals with issues and teenage children that shouldn't be the topic of our politics and I hope that anybody who is supporting me understands that is off limits."

I like him more and more....

From the Atlantic

Vacation pics

2008-08-31T20:57:00.002-05:00

...are here:

http://web.me.com/dnelson1822/Site/Summer2008.html

Eventually I will figure out how to get a password on there. When I do, it will be:
username: "myfirstname"
password: "mylastname"

I know that Macs are supposed to be simple to use, but I can't for the life of me figure out all the new features of the change to "mobile me." (me.com? I'm not sure how they are related, still. I know, I know. I'm an idiot.)

Yes, they told me I could watch a tutorial. But who has time for a tutorial? Luckily, I am married to my tech support, so he will figure it out and show me.

Until then, no password.

I've basically been on vacation for the last two weeks. And it has been lovely. We are having a glorious weekend back at home, with perfect weather, visits to the pool, parties, fun with friends.

Everything will come crashing down on Tuesday. School starts for both kids and I head back to work. Tuesday will be tough.

Good pick for McCain

2008-08-29T10:34:00.002-05:00

If someone had told me years ago that the Republican Presidential candidate would pick a Vice President running mate who reminded me of my sister, I would have laughed in their face.

And then, today.

(Ing, if you are reading this - don't worry - she doesn't remind me of you in the slightest in your political views. You are liberal. She is conservative. I doubt there is any agreement at all on any social issue.)

But....the similarities (on paper) are eerie:
1) hockey players
2) flute players
3) long time Alaska residents
4) Moose aficionados
5) Beautiful
6) Smart
7) Can pilot a float plane
8) Politically active
9) Tough
10) Independent

Until today, my sister was the only float-plane flying, hockey playing, beautiful, smart Alaskan resident I've known. (I'm sure there are many - but I only know the one.)

I say this is a good choice for McCain. Shakes things up a bit.

What a speech

2008-08-28T22:34:00.003-05:00

The one good thing about being back in the Midwest is that I no longer have to stay up past my bedtime to feed my political speech addiction.

Over the last four days, I've watched boring speeches (Kerry), I've watched clever speeches (Clinton, Bill); I've watched good, but fundamentally strange, speeches (Clinton, Hillary); I've watched folksy speeches (Biden); I've watched business-as-usual speeches (Warner). I've watched a lot of speeches.

But tonight is perhaps the first time in my life that I've ever felt inspired by a political speech. Obama just makes you want to go out, serve the country and do good things for the world.

(Hmm...maybe I should do some recruiting calls tomorrow for my favorite program in the world - Big Brothers/Big Sisters - maybe other people heard the speech too...)

We all have one particular issue that speaks to us above all others. For some it is the environment. For other, taxes. For me, it is childhood poverty.

I've been active in mentoring programs since I was 21. I'm going to be 40 years old next week. So, I've seen a lot of poverty. In almost 20 years, this will be the first time that I have EVER felt, truly in my heart, that a national politician "gets" poverty. And has concrete plans to eradicate it, using both government programs and personal responsibility.

I know one thing. My "little" will be listening to that speech in full. I'll find it on the internet, somewhere. We'll watch it together and I'll show her that there is at least one very important man out there who truly cares about her and her future.

What a speech.

Pictures from a vacation

2008-08-27T21:16:00.002-05:00

We are on our last day of a fabulous vacation in MD/DE/NJ with my parents. Pics are below. Real photos with actual identifiable faces will be posted on the website or the facebook account upon return. Back to real life in Wisconsin tomorrow. : (

Olympics

2008-08-19T17:39:00.004-05:00

We've been very hot-and-cold with our Olympics consumption. If we turn it on at night, we're hooked - sucked in for the night. If we don't turn it on, we don't care, and are pretty uninterested in the results.

Mostly we watched the swimming. I also got sucked into the women's marathon. To my surprise, NBC showed us almost the whole thing. And I watched it. I am perhaps the only person in the universe who thinks it is fun to watch women run for 2 hours and 19 minutes.

As I approach the big 4-0, I particularly enjoyed watching Dara Torres swim and Romania's Constantina Tomescu-Dita run. I have a theory that childbirth makes you stronger and gives you more endurance. I'm a much better runner now than I was 20 years ago. I ran 18 miles this weekend. The most I could run when I was twenty was 5 miles. The biggest change, for me, has been recovery time. Ten years ago, I could go all-out on a super long run, and then continue on with my day. Now, I need to rest. and rest. and rest. When I do an 18 mile run, my poor husband is pretty much in charge of just about everything for the rest of the day.

And people ask me why I run marathons. Ha! You get 3 hours away from all your responsibilities in the morning due to the long run. And than a whole afternoon of resting. What else will give you that free time? All you need is a very nice husband. And the craziness to actually enjoy running for that long.

It's like a trainwreck.

2008-08-14T21:08:00.003-05:00

I can't stop reading this Atlantic article on the Clinton campaign. And the actual memos. Oh my.

I'm finding this more pornographic than the Edwards scandal. Well, I guess there wasn't any sex involved. (Bill's memos aren't included.) So should I say politographic?

My favorite description:

Penn believed that voters view their president as the “father” of the country. “They do not want someone who would be the first mama,” he counseled. “But there is a yearning for a kind of tough single parent.” (He did not propose divorce.)

It's fascinating to read all the assumptions throughout all these memos about what voters want...what they think...how they'll vote. It's almost as if they truly believed it. Really? I'm yearning for a tough single parent? I hadn't noticed.

(When husband D goes to Asia, I'm a single parent for many days on end, and honestly, the only way I get through is by drinking lots of red wine. Trust me, you do not want me running the country after I've had lots of red wine.)

And the office miscommunication and mismanagement by memos, oh my. This has *got* to become a sitcom. The Hollywood writers should be lining up. "The Office" has nothing on this!

Through the eyes of a lens

2008-08-09T12:38:00.005-05:00

We took our "little" to the local botanical gardens. We've been a few times before, but she's never really shown much interest. I was taking a picture of her looking at a butterfly and she asked me if she could hold the camera and take a few pictures.

What a difference. We were there for another hour and she was entranced the entire time, taking some pretty phenomenal photos. (granted, I may be biased here.) She photographed some flowers and spots that I'd never even noticed. For some reason, the camera made everything fascinating to her.

At the end of the visit, she looked up at me with wide eyes, and said, "Do you think I could be a photographer someday?" I have to admit I got a little choked up as I replied, "Sweetie, I think that you can do whatever you want to do."

I try not to blog about her - she's not my kid. But she's a huge part of my life. She faces obstacles that neither I or my kids will ever really understand.

And I think she takes some pretty great photos that I can't resist sharing: (except for the fuzzy out-of-focus one, with her in it, I took that one.)

Dear John

2008-08-08T16:39:00.002-05:00

John, John, John.

Normally, I could care less what you do in your personal life, as long as you and your spouse have agreed to the arrangement. Maybe you've got a Clinton-esque union? It's not for me, but who am I to dictate the terms of other people's marriages?

But this post puts it best: How could he be so stupid?

Did he not realize that this would be national news in a split second? He may have gotten away with this 30 years ago. Or in France. But in America's 24-hour news coverage culture? My office has a TV in our lobby set to CNN. John Edwards ran across the ticker all afternoon. Constantly.

How does a man face his children when his indiscretions are the CNN ticker?

The really sad part is that his wife is so absolutely phenomenal. I think she's been an inspiration to many of us. One of my friends interviewed her last year and was very impressed. She deserves better than this.

Another sleazy political career bites the dust. Good riddance. Add him to the long legacy of philandering politicians: Clinton, McCain, Gingrich, Spitzer, McGreevey.

And God bless Elizabeth Edwards. She seems all the more amazing now, facing this *and* cancer in the course of a year.

I wonder, if this had come out earlier - would Hillary have gotten the Democratic nomination? Stuff like this makes me want to vote for a woman. I'm not sure why, really.

Above the Arctic Circle

2008-08-06T21:04:00.004-05:00

Talked to my sister tonight. She is here in Kaktovik, AK, otherwise known as the end of the earth.

I was telling a neighbor about her adventures up there, about how she is working with the Inupiat/Eskimo/Inuit children (Not sure which word is correct...) and about how she is about to embark on a 2 week solo bike ride across the wild northern lands of Alaska to Fairbanks.

He looked at me with great puzzlement. "You two are related?" He asked. "Are you sure about that?" (Me, who thinks that a trip to Banana Republic without my credit card is roughing it.)

It's funny how two people can grow up with the same parents, in the same house, go to the same schools, have the same pets, be the same gender and practically the same age and turn out so fantastically different. (Although, I did listen with great interest to last weekend's "This American Life Switched At Birth" - I suppose anything is possible.)

I often blame the difference on my own two kids on gender. But I suspect that's just an excuse - an easy thing to pick out.

I'm scouring the map looking for actual roads between Kaktovik and Fairbanks. I don't see any roads - nothing that even resembles a road, really. How exactly, does one bike when there are no roads?

I stuck my fingers in my ears and started singing "la la la" when she was telling me about the cute polar bears. Polar Bears are cute on National Geographic videos. Not live and in person.

The kids, however, are enthralled. Can you imagine anything on earth cooler than an aunt with a life like that?

No child gets ahead, revisited

2008-08-04T08:47:00.002-05:00

A teacher at daughter D's school wrote this article for the Progressive.

Teachers like her are what make our school so amazing.

Our standardized test scores are low, so we have a reputation for being a "bad" or "failing" school. The fact that 30% of our school speaks English as a second language skews our test scores low. If I'd taken my 3rd grade language standardized tests in French, I would have gotten a low score.

The test scores are published in the paper each spring. And each spring, I'm amazed by how many parents make school decisions based on the test scores. Of the latest scores that were published, Guess what? Ours were low.

But if you delve into the raw data, you realize that within this particular group of test-takers - a grand total of 8 students - yes EIGHT - were considered "not economically disadvantaged." All it takes is for one of those students to have a bad day and the percentages of "advanced students" go way down.

It's a vicious circle. You need to get the test scores up to get/keep funding and to attract parents to your school. But the minute they start teaching for the test, the teachers become less effective.

I'm not against measuring progress and testing for knowledge. But using the same test at both a school with 100% english-speaking, above-poverty-line students at a school like ours....that doesn't really tell you much. It punishes the schools that are already dealing with huge problems (poverty, immigrants, etc.)

There's got to be a better way.

McCain seems to think that school choice is the answer:
http://www.johnmccain.com/Informing/Issues/19ce50b5-daa8-4795-b92d-92bd0d985bca.htm

For parents like us (over-educated, with easy access to transportation and flexible schedules), school choice is an attractive option. But really, will it solve anything? Our poor schools will just become more poor. Poverty doesn't go away just because you can't see it. I'm not 100% against the concept of school choice. I just haven't seen an option that wouldn't result in a huge segregation between the "haves" and the "have nots." And McCain almost seems to blame the school for the problem. I don't like that. In our case, at least, the school is doing everything it can with a group of fantastic teachers.

Obama seems, to me, to be hitting on the larger issue:
http://www.barackobama.com/issues/education/

We need to get to these kids BEFORE they hit elementary school. And expand before/after school care for those in need. That's the only way we are going to get those test scores up, in my humble opinion. I also like what he says about NCLB - about supporting the schools that need help - not punishing them.

It's August. My first of way-too-many school-related meetings is tomorrow. Let the crazy life of a reluctant PTA president at a "left behind" school begin...

I'm Mr. Heat Miser, I'm Mr. Hundred and One.

2008-08-01T06:10:00.003-05:00

Finally, REAL summer has arrived in Wisconsin. Highs are up in the 80s (almost 90s!) and the humidity is sweltering. I love it. I should really be living in the tropics. Everyone else is complaining, but I'm secretly overjoyed.

The problem, however, is air conditioning. I hate air conditioning. Normally, I can keep it off - citing cost savings, energy conservation, etc. But when the high temp is 89 with 80% humidity, and the rest of the city has had their A/C on for weeks, I must compromise and allow my dear husband to turn it on.

So, I walk around the house with my winter fleece on. It's criminal.

And don't get me started on my office. I'm convinced that Mr. Snow Miser is in charge of the corporate thermostat. I leave the house with my parka in hand so I don't get stuck shivering through a meeting.

So far, the kids seem to be immune to any extreme temperature. They love to play outside when it is 20 degrees. They love to play outside when it is 90 degrees. I don't think I've ever heard them complain about the weather.

However, they have become experts at conniving to get decadent snacks at the extreme temperatures. Who can say "no" to a strawberry ice cream cone when it is sweltering? Who can refuse making a cup of hot cocoa topped with whip cream when it is frigid?

One City; Two Worlds

2008-07-26T21:49:00.005-05:00

The day started at the neighborhood country club. We don't belong (Don't get me started on my opinion of country clubs....) but they allow all the kids in the neighborhood to swim on the swim team. This is very nice of them. We love the swim team. (Even though the meets start at 7:30 every Saturday morning. Yawn.)

I was a Timer for the swim meet in my favorite lane (Lane 6 - lane of the underdogs) and was able to chat in between races with the lawyers, doctors and their offspring.

It is a happy, shiny place. Everyone is white, rich (relatively), well dressed, clean and happy. (One is not allowed to frown whilst at the country club - I swear it is in their by-laws.)

The parking lot is full of Jaguars, BMWs, Mercedes, Volvos, Lexus....and just for kicks: one slightly scratched up Honda Minivan full of whatever trash my children dragged into it that morning.

When I'm at the country club, I feel like I'm:
a) staring in a Hallmark commercial
b) a Stepford wife
c) on Prozac or some other drug that makes everything sunny and bright and cheerful

That's not multiple choice. I feel all of those at once. It's actually not a bad feeling. For an hour or two, you believe that everyone has enough to eat and a place to live; and that the world is peaceful; and that global climate change has reversed itself. Life is grand. I like that.

We left the idyllic country club to go to a birthday party of one of D's friends from school for the afternoon. Not a neighborhood friend, but a friend who lives over by the school.

The party was at a roller skating rink across town, in one of the scariest parts of the city. The roller rink was run-down and pretty skeevy. (Are there any that aren't?) No one in our neighborhood would *ever* host a party there. trust me on that.

Observations:
1) I was the only adult there without a tattoo
2) Among the mothers I spoke with, I was the only one who is married.
3) I was the oldest person in the limbo contest (Hey - you can't go to a roller skating rink and sit out the limbo contest!) Scratch that, I was the oldest person at the rink, period.
4) I think it was perhaps the dirtiest place I've been all year.
5) At one point, I was seriously afraid part of the fake fabricated ceiling tile would fall on my head.
6) Didn't see any nice cars in the parking lot - but lots of cool bumper stickers and creative uses for duct tape.
7) I couldn't tell you the racial mix - it was so mixed, you didn't even notice one race over another.

Guess where my daughter and I had the most fun?

If you said with the happy shiny rich white people and the fancy pool....BZZZT.

If you said at the scary roller rink with the cheesy limbo contest....Ding, Ding, Ding. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Sometimes I worry about our decision to send our daughter to a school of such poverty. But when I see her seamlessly weave in and out of different worlds - treating everyone the same whether they are the child of a doctor or of a tattoo artist, I'm not as worried.

But next time, damn it, I 'm going to WIN that limbo contest.

How NOT to train for a marathon

2008-07-20T20:46:00.002-05:00

1. Pick a hot, humid day.
2. Run 16 miles.
3. Do not bring enough water.
4. When you get home, notice that your husband and kids are at the pool.
5. Decide to hop on your bike to go meet them up there.
6. Forget that you just ran 16 miles and are completely spent.
7. Forget to drink water or eat anything.
8. Ride to the pool.
9. Find your family...and....
10. Faint.
11. Come to, try to get up, and....
12. Faint again.

My dear, wonderful husband is trying everything in his power not to say "I told you so." See, he is a sensible, smart kind of human being. If he were to go out running for 3 hours, he would bring LOTS of water with him. He'd return from the run and immediately rehydrate, rest and eat. He tells me to do such things all the time. He says recovery is one of the most important aspects of training. (sensible & smart, I tell you.) And he used to ride his bike for 6 hours/day, so he knows of what he speaks.

Me, I'm intelligent, sure. But not the "sensible" kind of intelligence. I had to get married to experience that.

So, he's been forcing me to rest all day with lots of liquids. I'm fine now.

Lesson learned.

But, man. I made it through a full marathon (26.2 miles) last October in temps higher than these. How could a puny little 16 miler do me in like this?????

OK, maybe lesson hasn't completely yet been learned. But Husband D. is keeping a closer eye on me. That should count for something.

My New Yorker arrived today

2008-07-18T17:57:00.003-05:00

and really, I don't get the big deal.

Yes, it's a bit of an insulting cover. But aren't they all?

Am I missing something?

The New Yorker is full of satirical cartoons every month. Both inside the magazine and on the cover. Most of them go right over my head. Now that we live in the Midwest, I am much too un-hip to get the inside jokes of the east coast set. Truly.

A friend argued that people will see the cover and think that Obama is a Muslim. I argued back, "There is not a single New Yorker subscriber who could possibly think that."

To me, they are doing what they always do: poking fun at the ignorant people who do NOT get the New Yorker. It's another big inside joke for those of us who do subscribe.

If you think about it, it's not really an effective way to boost their circulation, but it seems to be what they do.

I liken it to the Apple ads. The ones who made fun of people who own PCs. ("I'm a Mac" - hot stylish young guy...."I'm a PC" - stuffy suit-wearing nerdy guy.) Very funny commercials. But a good way to make people buy your product? By mocking them? I think not.

Can't stop watching Matt dance...

2008-07-15T06:10:00.003-05:00

I've come (relatively) late to the internet sensation of that guy dancing all over the world. I got no less than a dozen emails from family and friends with the YouTube link, but I ignored them. I saw it mentioned on blog after blog, but I never clicked through. The Times even did a piece on it, but I skipped right over it.

Who has time to watch silly videos on YouTube, anyway?

I do, apparently.

Last night, after the kids went to bed and I was mindlessly trolling the internet, I saw the dancing thing mentioned on my favorite NPR game show host, Peter Sagal's, blog. Not only mentioned - he said he was *in* it.

That, I had to see.

I'd love to say I watched it once and then went back to reading OpEds about world peace and the middle east. But no. I watched it over. and over. and over. And then some more.

Summer in Wisconsin

2008-07-14T18:55:00.002-05:00

It's the time of year now when we spend every single possible moment outdoors. Especially after this last winter with its 100 inches of snow and sub-zero temps.

Wisconsin is definitely the place to live in the summer. You only *really* need air conditioning a few days/year. There is something fun to do outside just about every day - a farmers market here; an outdoor concert there. Life is just one sunny, beautiful day after another.

This year, we are having some nasty mosquitoes, but other than that, it's idyllic. So much less time in front of the computers, TV, anything indoors.

Speaking of which, it is time to douse myself with DEET and go for a walk with my lovely family.

Patriotism

2008-06-30T07:34:00.005-05:00

Signs that we may be decidedly un-American:

- I don't think $4/gallon is too much to pay for gas. In fact, we'd welcome higher taxes on gas if they went straight to improving this country's infrastructure.

- The only sporting event we watched as a family so far this year was the Euro 2008, yesterday. Son D even wore his Ballack jersey for part of the game.

- Son D doesn't own a single Green Bay Packer Jersey, and has never, to my knowledge, seen a full football game.

- Husband D works for a European company and spends huge amounts of time in Asia.

- I think Obama's treatment of Muslims this week has been obscene. Since when is simply being a Muslim a smear? To me, he is playing right into the hands of those ignorant crazies who equate Muslim with Terrorist. Obama - you don't have to do this. The American people are smarter than you think they are.

- I refuse to wear any type of flag clothing. When I see a woman with a US Flag plastered across her ass, I cringe. I don't want a flag pinned to me; I don't want it on my hat; I won't put it on a cheap T-shirt. To me, it's disrespectful of the flag. Really, the only time a flag should be worn is when, say, a team has just won the Euro2008. (Go Spain!)

2008 shall henceforth be declared "the year of the barf"

2008-06-26T13:49:00.002-05:00

We've had more stomach bugs this year than the past 8 combined. Or so it seems.

Last night, it was daughter D. She's better today, but there wasn't a lot of sleeping going on for anyone last night.

Luckily, we both have really flexible work schedules and can adjust pretty easily around a sick child. Every time this happens, I feel for those who don't.

And at least she didn't get it last week when the husband was in China. The last two bouts occurred when he was out of town.

Let the mad hand-washing and sanitizing ensue.

Sunny Days

2008-06-19T21:40:00.003-05:00

Basement is dry
Yard has no more puddles
And best of all: you can see grass at the park:

As for me, I am investing heavily in any company that makes or distributes mosquito repellent. Eau d'Deet? I'm all over it. I suspect it will be my signature scent for the month of August.

summer vacation

2008-06-16T11:11:00.003-05:00

It's the first day of summer vacation for the kids. And I'm already sick of playing baseball in the yard...How can one boy play so much baseball?

But, on the bright side, I am developing quite a curve ball.

The neighborhood does a summer camp in the afternoon for the kids. They hire tons and tons of active teenagers and they take over the biggest neighborhood park and *they* play baseball and soccer and tag and water games with the kids. over and over and over again. It's quite possibly the best thing ever.

The problem? This park - well, it's still underwater.

Please, please, please let the water magically evaporate before this afternoon. Please. Send the locusts, if you must. But we're done with the flooding.